someday triathlon journal

[IM notes] week 4

2012-01-11T14:47:00.002-06:00

My most recent training lesson has been: get over it and move on.

I've had a couple of tests lately with challenging time management and another cold virus moving through the house, so there's been a fair amount of fretting over if and when and I should train.

I made myself a fancy little training log spreadsheet to neatly keep track of my nutrition, training notes, injuries, heart rate at certain paces, and so much more. Honestly though, what it really boils down to is that I totally want to be able to look back and say holy crap, I swam xxxxx yards, ran xxx miles and biked for xxxxxxxxx:xxxxxxx hours this year!

Putting the spreadsheet in action, my recent focus has been on a little column meant to help me track consistency – Completed as Planned? – with a simple Y or N for each sport each day. The Ns are auto-formatted to turn the square a yucky, anger-inducing shade of fuchsia, contrasting harshly with the carefully-chosen colors of the rest of the sheet.

I didn't quite anticipate how powerful those ugly pink squares would be.

I laughed at my first pink square when I messed up a swim workout and accidentally shorted myself a few yards in spite of being hyper-motivated. I rationalized getting two more pink squares when I was sick last week. But I finally got mad when I earned yet another one Monday after missing my swim due to poor time management and meekness (long story).

On the plus side, I've followed those pink days with a solid weekend of long bikes and runs, and a great four workouts since Monday (including making up the missed swim). Those recoveries have taught me the value of focusing on the present, instead of stressing so much about the misses that I risk adding even more Ns to the Completed column.

That said, I will have a fuchsia-free week, dammit.

2012

2012-01-05T09:56:00.000-06:00

I'm late to reflect on the new year, but honestly, I thought about the change so little that I just charged ahead focused on the present. While that feels like a healthy approach, it still seems handy to look back and forth a bit...

2011 was a strange year of extremes for us. On the low end, we dealt with nagging depression, lost S's mother to esophageal cancer, had terrible financial stress for much of the year, inherited a second mortgage on a house that refuses to sell, and agonized over whether we can truly be happy where we live.

And yet, when I look back on the year, I mostly think about things at the other extreme: taking a beach vacation, camping in our tiny trailer, planning our 10-years-belated honeymoon trip. I think about how the sound of S's new [old] car makes him so happy he won't put the windows up. I think about how frequently I want to push pause right. this. second. on my kids at these fun ages. And I think about the enormous shift I've felt in approaching my life with more urgency.

So, while I don't think the number 2012 holds any magic power, I know this is going to be an interesting year for me because I'm already doing things differently. I've made enough changes lately that I don't have any specific resolutions, but I did make myself a little mnemonic to keep in mind:

A-AFFECTION. Or friendliness. Whatever – I need to be nicer. To people. Real human people.

P-POSITIVITY. Not to sound overly dramatic, but while I did not choose to be negative for so many years, I can choose not to stay that way.

T-TENACITY. Being a quitter is totally lame. I'm 33 years old and overdue to develop the skill to stick with things that aren't easy. Ironman will be a spectacular test of that skill, no?

So, APT is my codeword for 2012...

Makes more sense to me than TAP or PAT... but possibly not as much sense as ATP?

2012 is APT to be tough and formative.
I shall be an APT student of triathlon training.
I am APT to be embarrassed by this when I reread it next year.

lessons of week one

2011-12-29T15:20:00.000-06:00

My ratio of workout toughness to fatigue is way out of whack. I could be fighting off the cold virus S has, it could be the stress of holiday busyness, or... I could just be lazier than I realized.

Likely related to the first bullet, I am failing at morning training so far, fitting 2nd workouts in after dinner instead. This stops next week when our routine goes back to normal.

I have to add 15-20 minutes to prescribed swim workout times to fit in the yardage indicated. I've got to believe it can't get worse.

I'm curious how much longer "it's so pretty!" will be sufficient motivation to ride my bike.

I got to ride hard enough to drip multiple drops of sweat last night in my chilly basement. Maybe I'm the only one who gets excited about such things?

Wow, did I lose run fitness quickly. The heart rate I reached only at race pace last month is now the number I hit just by barely breaking a jog. Apparently I am excellent at off-season.

My house is already a mess.

Equipment issues: tore my favorite silicone swim cap in half, heart rate monitor battery is fading, am riding with a sticky link in my bike's chain (that would take 15 seconds to fix), need to stock the pantry and freezer ASAP, want a bike cadence monitor for some feedback on the trainer.

Mood: pretty good. Having Lola home from school and S working odd hours for the week has me off my game, so I'm pleased to have gotten stuff done this week nonetheless.

day 1: cookies, ukuleles, & Ironman

2011-12-19T10:32:00.002-06:00

Enough with the down time – Ironman training starts today!

I have a long 9 months ahead of me, and was smart enough to fully celebrate my last weekend off. It seemed ceremonial even, eating lazily, staying up late, doing spontaneous things to mark the occasion just because I could.

Yesterday for example, my husband said he'd "always wanted to make a whole smorgasbord of cookies to give away" and I was ON IT. We dropped everything for immediate internet recipe curating, list making, grocery shopping, then six straight hours of measuring, mixing, rolling, cutting, baking, frosting, chocolate-dipping, and sprinkling cookies. I'm caught up on sugar-consumption like a bear heading for hibernation.

I haven't been all reckless though. To start, I've been seeing a chiropractor to proactively work on my (currently very minor) back and hip issues. I felt silly going in when my symptoms were the least bothersome they've been in a long time, but x-rays and posture analysis say I'm a total freaking wreck. Fortunately, training and treatment will work well together.

Over the past few weeks, I've also worked hard on my house-maintaining routine, practicing what I think is a reasonable daily list to keep things from getting too unmanageable. This sounds silly, but I get so easily overwhelmed and derailed by messiness. Staying on top of the house stuff is crucial to my training success.

Our family schedule takes some forethought too. Lola showed a sudden interest in learning a musical instrument, but I had to veto the more common starter choices (violin and piano) since they would add a weekly lesson commitment (and instrument rental fees to boot). Never fear, we found a solution: the ukulele! She was so excited to pick her favorite one (paisley?) from the guitar store and the lessons available online are free and flexible. Oh, and beginner ukulele sounds infinitely better than beginner violin.

Today I'm back to structure with an easy swim and a quick plunge back into time management. Here goes!

down time

2011-12-05T10:55:00.001-06:00

I've mainly let go of my disappointing marathon race, trying to focus on the most valuable take-away: I am in fact capable of getting through that sort of mileage without injury problems rearing up. Right now though, I'm enjoying a break. While I feel restless without workouts, I'm intimidated enough by my upcoming training goals to realize I should take advantage of planned laziness.

In place of long runs, I've had free energy to get ready for the holidays. I'm pretty accustomed to having to be a miser at Christmas, but this year it feels like a willing choice to scale back because we want to. But if there's one thing I've learned over the years: the frugal and handmade spirit of Christmas giving is infinitely more work than the plunk-down-your-credit-card spirit. So much more work.

I started by making our annual countdown calendar full of daily activities (actually ready to start on the first, for once):

No easy days with trinkets or candy means this will probably wear me out, but yesterday's "make a hat for the cat" was clearly a big hit:

We got a homely, budget-friendly tree and I love it:

We actually went to a fundraiser for an environmental charity where, in exchange for a small donation, they "let" folks hike into a wilderness area to clear these invasive red cedars and make way for native trees. It was a ton of fun for the kids and what the tree lacks in symmetry it makes up with good family memories.

And yes, it's decked out with four whole ornaments. This is not because we're cheap so much as because I'm an over-controlling minimalist and this is the first year I've relented to hanging up mismatched ~~clutter~~ charm. After the kids each got an ornament last year from their now-deceased Grandma, I broke down and let them start the tradition of adding one ornament per year. It'll be full of nostalgia before we know it.

The gifts have been ordered, received, and stashed away. "Santa's" not off the hook yet though because "he" still has to sew a whole custom wardrobe for that American Girl doll "he's" bringing because, while "he" relented to the sweet wish for a doll that looks just like a sweet girl, "he" still holds the opinion that AG stuff is tacky, too commercial, and senselessly overpriced.

That Santa and his opinions – so fussy.

And I already have my gifts of course: all the big stuff I needed for IMLOU – race registration, hotel, pool membership, upgraded winter running gear, Polar RCX5 watch (OK, I might not have needed that one, but it makes a world of difference to be able to dart out the door and run a certain distance/pace without first mapping a route and memorizing mile markers). Just in time for Christmas, I'm ready to start putting those treats to use by easing back into regular training over my last days of just doing what seems appealing (so far, that has meant drink wine and do a lot of stretching). It snowed a little today, which suddenly makes me eager to get out in the mess for run #2 since the marathon:

Oh, and I should probably tackle the laundry pile now while I have a chance to get ahead, right?

Gobbler Grind Marathon

2011-11-20T14:50:00.001-06:00

I'm warm now.
It is awesome to be warm

The race wasn't too bad really, it was the post-race drive home when I got an overwhelming case of the shivers. Now that I'm cozy, hydrated, and have had a good night's sleep, I can rethink yesterday's 26-mile ~~race~~ jog...

Weather: It was a cloudy, 30-35º, windy morning. We've had a warm fall (70º until 16 hours before the race) and the drastic drop felt really cold. I made the decision to stay in my heated car as long as possible and use the beginning of the race as my warm-up (not a good call pace-wise, but probably best for my sickly-ness).

Clothes: After so much fretting about what to wear, I ended up hitting the wardrobe sweet spot of comfortably cool. I did feel just barely overdressed around the half and considered handing my vest to my husband, but soon after found myself wondering who cranked the thermostat down?, and was thankful for the outer layer. I might go so far as to say I was perfectly dressed, except for the fact that I noticed mid-race that I had my underwear on backwards – I am the anti-badass.

Pacing: The 5K, 13.1, and 26.2 runners started together, and for two miles I drifted along with the crowd to warm up at 11:00(!) pace. While I still think it was smart to go out slow, it was frustrating to start the race with such a deficit. For the next three hours though, I was consistent at 8:40 pace, with :30 walk breaks every 5:00. Given how badly I've felt lately, I know the Galloway-ish walk breaks were the right call for me, even if folks repeatedly tried to cheer me on, c'mon, don't quit now! just so I could confuse the hell out of them by scurrying by when I picked up the run again seconds later.

Mental game: Sick or not, I had too many subtle falters – letting my walk break stretch a matter of 5 seconds here, 10 seconds there, slowing to eat or drink, getting distracted by my iPod or obnoxious fanny pack – and all those little moments added up. I almost felt more in control at my lowest points, when I thought to take inventory of all my gripes and ask myself whether any of them really justified slowing down (no). In the last four miles, moving forward at all became achievement enough and I stopped checking my time. I only managed to keep running by mindlessly tailgating a guy who had the most hypnotically efficient stride I've ever seen.

At the end, I had zero kick left to pass anyone, not even the girl running all batshit-crazy, whose ugly gait received a focused beam of my there-is-no-way-this-batshit-crazy-runner-is-beating-me bad attitude for the last 2 miles... as she flopped her batshit-crazy chaos farther and farther away from me. If I couldn't will myself to catch her, I really didn't have anything in the tank (what can I say, I'm extra snarky in race mode).

I wasn't all grouch though. My husband and kiddos did such a super job at spectating and kept me smiling lots. I only expected them to be at the finish, so it was really exciting when they first caught me around the half. They locked onto my pace and raced around finding places to meet up with me along the hard-to-spectate woodsy trail – no small feat when combining a big stroller, two kids bundled in winter gear, and repeatedly loading/unloading in/out of the car. It was cold and grey and boring out there, and they still grinned and eagerly returned my high fives every time they spotted me. I can't say it made me faster to see them, but it absolutely made me feel loved.

Nutrition: Get this: NO stomach troubles! Slowing my pace surely helped, and I also ditched the processed energy foods. I drank only water and packed a sandwich – cinnamon raisin bread with peanut butter, honey, and a sprinkle of salt, cut into 100-calorie quarters. I erred on the side of under-eating and had the first two pieces on the hour, then had just a little sugar boost of two Starburst candies at 3:00. In hindsight, I should have eaten a third sandwich piece and saved the candy only for a mental boost here and there.

Final time: 4:10:28
I'm not proud of the number, as it is so much slower than I'd trained for (was on target for 3:40 for the first 14 weeks of training), but it is also many minutes better than I thought I could eek out this particular week. I'm trying to separate my results (bummer) from my effort (good job me!) and willingness to just let go of my perfectionism and get it done (groundbreaking!). This race ended up both humbling and confidence-building.

Updated A-Goal – anything sub-4:00. NOPE
I mostly tossed this one out when I got sick, so was very much surprised to have it in my grasp at the half (particularly after starting out so slow and with a porta-potty stop at mile 12) and was still seriously gunning for it up to about 3:20.

B-Goal – Finish without injury so I can start IM training in a couple of weeks. YES!
Stairs hurt today. I do not enjoy getting off the couch. Most of my soreness is in my hip flexors, left glute, and right knee, but really, nothing too crazy. While my cold is still lingering, I don't feel like racing made it any worse. I'm actually itching to get back to work, except entering a somewhat overwhelming IM training plan into my calendar is a good reminder to take a break while I can.

C-Goal – Not have my race ruined by stomach woes. YES!
And that 38-week training plan should offer many more opportunities for toughening my IronStomach.

Now for some serious slothfulness and gluttony through my favorite holiday: Thanksgiving! (reason #43 that I'm enjoying giving up vegetarianism)

son of a...

2011-11-14T13:21:00.001-06:00

Uggghh.

The flu has hit our house. I've been sick for the past 6 days and even with my drastically reduced taper workouts, the miles I've worked in have been very slow and difficult. I'm past the worst feverish stage, but the upper respiratory fun has settled in and my energy level is still lower than normal.

After feeling so solid last week, 26.2 suddenly feels ridiculously far.

Still, I'm chugging water, sleeping as much as humanly possible, and fully reveling in my two rest days today and tomorrow. I will make it to the start line; it's how long it takes to get from there to the finish that will be the big question.

While I never set any reaching goals for Sunday, I was still really looking forward to pulling together all this nice consistent training to set a baseline time for future goals. Instead, it looks like this weekend will have an asterisk* by it.

*sick

slow and steady and injury-free

2011-11-10T09:10:00.001-06:00

Marathon training without a time goal is sorta boring. And really, I completely love it that way. Boring is good. Boring is consistent. Boring is injury-free. My sister-in-law stepped off a curb wrong and, in a complete fluke of kinetics, nearly broke her entire foot off Sunday, so boring is really, really appreciated by me right now.

But without an aggressive pace to chase, I'm left to fret about other things: food and weather.

I haven't cracked the nutrition code yet. I have a couple of things left to try during my last 8-miler this weekend. I know it's too late to be figuring this out and a shorter run isn't going to tell me much. But... I can either try something new that may cause gastric distress or something I've practiced that definitely causes gastric distress. Win-win, eh? If all else fails, I'll eat a good breakfast and run with a pocket full of candy just to keep the blood sugar up.

On the weather front, I've finally found the conditions that make me hate running outside: 35º + driving rain + high headwind. I did 10 miles in this the other night and my thoughts were alternating between I can't get frostbite when it's above freezing, how would I do 4 hours in this?, I can outrun hypothermia, and this is absolutely the worst run of my entire life.

It would just be a good training experience to have out willed, except now I'm over-reacting, trying to plan for the possibility that those conditions (or any others) could reappear on race morning. Yesterday I bought myself some confidence in the form of fancy clothing (light wool layers and a convertible jacket/vest) so this is turning into an expensive race. Long range weather forecasts are pretty useless around here, but I'm still eager to reach tomorrow when race day will be included on the 10-day random-guess-of-the-moment.

Really though, that's all the drama I can manufacture.

I'm excited to race already and wish it were this weekend rather than next. I don't expect to do anything on race day that I haven't already done in training – well, aside from completing the full 26.something, as my training plan maxed out at 20-milers – so I'm hoping it turns out pretty drama-less. Looking beyond the race, my plan is to rest up through Thanksgiving, then move my thoughts to Ironman (still can't believe I get to say that).

energy gels hate me

2011-10-11T11:58:00.000-05:00

Man, I am having a hard time working out my long-run nutrition and I'm running out of weeks (6) to experiment before my marathon. I normally have an iron-stomach – can't even count the number of times only S has gotten sick from a meal we both ate – and never had an issue with energy drinks/gels in years' past, so I was really expecting to be my typical low-maintenance self.

But... it seems I'm now having a rough adjustment. So rough, I watched Bridesmaids the other night and identified too much with the horrifying bridal shop scene. In an "I don't care which dress, I just need to get off this white carpet" sort of way.

I guess it was presumptuous to think I'd just translate my habit of cranking-out-a-tempo-run-30-minutes-after-eating-tacos into the ability to eat-and-drink-whatever-a-race-provides. I've now tested (one at a time) all the on-course products for my marathon and even next year's IM (what can I say, I'm curious), plus most else I can pick up without driving too far, and have yet to find any winners (and my standard for "winner" is now simply "not a laxative").

Moving forward, my initial urge is to nix all these processed things altogether and try some real food, only I'm not confident enough in my knowledge to balance salt/energy/hydration. So, I get the feeling it's time to start ordering some fancier products, it's just that, ick, I don't want to be fancy. I want to be simple, adaptable, no-fuss...

But... I also want to stop being such a regular at the one business on my route that's open before 6am + has a clean bathroom + doesn't require begging for a key even though I didn't buy any gas. I suppose it should be a wake-up call to me that I had to plan my 20-miler Sunday as:

2 miles to McDonald's
continue out 4 miles to turnaround
4 miles back to McDonald's (go back to your biscuits, just passing through)
head out 4 miles to turnaround again
4 miles back to McD's (we're familiar enough for nicknames now)
continue 2 miles home.

Why yes, that is the saddest running route ever.

Nonetheless, I'm sure I'll find something to work well enough, and might even toughen up over the next few months so I can eventually defeat some of these troublemakers. For now though, this testing process is not nearly as fun as it sounds.

attack plan for mom guilt

2011-10-04T10:26:00.000-05:00

Marathon training has been a great way for me to ease into longer training hours, and I've done my best to work my modest mileage in around the family schedule.

I've been doing my weekend long runs as early in the morning as is necessary to be home for breakfast. I feel bad making S cook breakfast (silly, because he regularly does it when I'm home) and I just genuinely enjoy weekend mornings. For the past few runs, that has meant I'm out the door around 5am, and this week's 20-miler will push me back to 4:00-ish for my weekend alarm time.

But... bumping the hours up for Ironman will mean there's just no way to completely work it in around everything else, and instead will have to work into the family schedule.

I have a plan:

1. Family pass to a local community center

Having lap swim hours match up with childcare is the most amazing luxury I've ever enjoyed. We go straight there from morning kindergarten dismissal, eat lunch in the car, and the kids hang out in childcare while I get in my swim. Then, I make up for handing them off for an hour+ by taking them to either the kid pool or the jungle climbing room.
It is glorious.
I think we're going to be living there by the time winter's over.

2. Basement fun house

We recently went to a company picnic with a Little Tikes bouncer set up and my children were drawn to that tiny space like moths to a flame for two hours (two hours!).

So, I have fought long enough to fill our home with wooden toys, creative materials, realistic animal figurines. I am ready to cave to a gaudy electricity-eating bounce house if it means the kids can be entertained in my view while I spin away on the bike. Come Christmas, it will arrive and go live in the basement next to my trainer. I'm rationalizing it as: 1. it is a better gift than a whole forgettable clutter-fest of toys, and 2. it'll help them bounce off cabin fever as we hunker down for winter.

3. An anniversa-moon trip.

From the moment we skipped our honeymoon to save up for a move to Colorado (our wedding cost $50), S has insisted that we must fit one in before our ten-year anniversary. Seemed reasonable back then – pffft, plenty of time save up – but... well... kids proved to not be very honeymoon-conducive (go figure). The deadline will be up this spring, and S worked very hard to convince me to tag along and allow someone else to hang out with our kids (I know, it's really hard to be me lately). My family seems genuinely thrilled to watch the kids for 4 nights, and the spring trip is officially booked.

But, umm, how exactly does this help with my training? It gives S a training goal of his own – he's shooting for 6-pack abs – and that works for me because I feel much better about trading workout time rather than just taking it for myself.

And the anti-guilt wheels are in motion. More hurdles will surely pop up, but I'm feeling good about anticipating and tackling a few known limiters in advance. No excuses this year.

enough of the patient, rational progression...

2011-09-21T09:27:00.000-05:00

Look what I did:

Ironman Louisville '12 -- just a hair over 11 months to go.

I need to get off the internet about 30 minutes ago and get to work. No, it's not time to ramp up the training frenzy, but it is time to get my house cleaned and organized. This feeling is surprisingly similar to that whole nesting urge during late pregnancy.

Must. Brace. For. Ensuing. Chaos.

SO exciting!

I cannot resist a fixer-upper

2011-08-29T07:18:00.003-05:00

So, I bought this... um... tri bike awhile back:

I don't know quite what to say about it other than:

It's a 2007 Litespeed Saber 49cm.

I ♥ it.

I really, really ♥ it.

Working in a bike shop (which I've recently quit, by the way) should have made me more likely to buy a new carbon bike – that whole employee discount deal is a hard one to resist – but, for a whole heap of reasons, I got it in my head that my most perfect entry-level tri bike would be 1. used, 2. cheap, 3. coincidentally tiny, and 4. made of titanium.

I just can't do anything the easy way.

And yes, I ended up buying my bike off of Craigslist – add it to the growing array of pricey items I've scored by wading through the listings for lawn mower parts and diaper coupons.

The internet is an awesome thing.

The before picture:

First off, I cleaned up the stickiness (thinking please let this be spilled electrolyte drink, not electrolyte barf), meticulously toothbrushed the road grit away, and disassembled and re-lubed everything I could. Probably most noticeably, I peeled off every last damn sticker, replacing just a chosen few frame decals with the nice simple 2008 Litespeed logo. I stole the seat and pedals off my Bianchi, got new tires, stocked up on 650c tubes, and grabbed some fresh black bar tape while I decide on a pretty new color to use (the most important thing, right?).

I still want to flip the stem, tidy up the cables, find a seat I like, upgrade the brakes... but is a project ever done? (that's not a hypothetical – the answer is: no, not if it's a project of mine)

back at it

2011-08-10T15:01:00.000-05:00

It has been a summer of extremes.

In June, my mother-in-law had one last cancer diagnosis, declined treatment, and passed away within weeks. For S, whose dad just died 3 years ago, it was simply not fair. For me, it was like reliving my own mother's cancer death, but perhaps with a little more maturity and presence. We're lucky that the kids don't understand the significance of it all. It was a rough month, but I think our family has handled it all as well as possible.

From bereavement, we've surfaced with a renewed desire to live our lives exactly as we want. We had to cancel our scheduled camping trip, but replaced it with a once-in-a-lifetime Caribbean vacation. Our kids' first air travel went amazingly smoothly (thank you, iPhones) and the trip was perfectly lazy. I didn't even pack running shoes, and spent the bulk of my time either eating, drinking, swimming, or sitting in a lounge chair knitting while the kids played in the sand. Sure, all our stresses were still here when we came back, but what a trip.

Looking forward, our minds are spinning with a lot of ideas for how to make sure we take advantage of our health and youth. So many things are up in the air that I needed a focus. So, in a whim of decisiveness, I signed up for a November marathon. Training is underway, and I'm going to see how the first few weeks go before I settle on whether I'm in shape to go after a certain time goal. Training right now is HOT, and I'm thoroughly thrilled at the idea of running in the cold 3 months from now. I even have a new GPS watch on the way, and am terribly excited to become a gadget worshipper.

Like I said: a summer of extremes.

things

2011-06-02T10:53:00.002-05:00

Summer's gearing up here, and my mood is better this week. My mind's still busy trying to figure out how I can create some big changes in the way I think and act, but there's no way I could write about that coherently. I can however write about all the STUFF I've purchased over the last several months trying to jumpstart my motivation:

Awww, my first heart rate monitor. What can I say, I'm not an early adopter of technology. I found one for $40 at Costco and grabbed it in a brief moment of decisiveness. It's very basic and all I need right now. I have no idea what I'm doing as far as heart rate training, so I'm just monitoring for now while I read up on all the heart rate info I've previously skimmed over.

Shoe #1, Saucony Kinvara. Don't remember if I noted this one when I bought it a few months back, but I LOVED this shoe's road feel and lightness. It's the first shoe in a long time I considered buying again after I wore it out, but the toe box is just not wide enough for my squashed forefoot and even with my small-ish size, the durability was quite disappointing.

Shoe #2, Brooks Launch. I've wanted this shoe for quite some time, and... well maybe I'm spoiled by the Kinvara, but Brooks has not yet won me over. So paddy, so stiff, so suffocatingly hot, so not as wide in the forefoot as people claim. I suppose it's official that I'm a minimalist shoe convert if this nearly-flat shoe feels like overkill. I'm regretting this purchase, but I'll ride it out.

What, those aren't your major food groups? Well, it's official: I'm not a vegetarian anymore. I haven't completely come to terms with subsidizing the mistreatment of animals, and I don't necessarily feel like that would be an "achievement" I aspire to reach. I'm trying to find the right point at which I treat my own personal health as the utmost priority, while still weighing the impact of my choices in a respectful – but not alarmist – way.

Everything else about eating meat has been really... well... nice. Eating healthily is easier. While I would never claim that being a healthy vegetarian or vegan is impossible, there is no denying that it is more complicated (if done right), and I'm tired of fretting about supplementing with B vitamins, iron, and omega-3s. Not having to shop/cook for such varied diets has simplified and unified our family meals in a way that I don't quite know how to explain.

Oh, and how did I forget how freaking delicious Starbursts are? I ate two packs in an an hour. I've sufficiently indulged in all the gelatin-laced sweets that I've said no to for a long time, but now I'm over that frenzy and ready to really work out my new food habits.

In other purchase news, my winter Y pass has run out, but the outdoor community pool is officially open, our passes have been found, and I spent a small fortune on sunscreen yesterday.

We're also still working away on our little camper renovation, and I suddenly have grand aspirations of using it as lodging for a certain 70.3 event a year away, and then finally aiming for a full Iron-distance after that. (What!? Goals!? What?!)

As for that purdy bike I bought, it deserves a post of its own. And since my computer is apparently unwilling to upload a photo (or remove the ugly borders from those above), I'll have to keep that post in my pocket for awhile longer.

stupid depression

2011-05-09T13:44:00.001-05:00

I've not been in much of a mood to write lately, dealing with a rather obnoxious stretch of depression. I've had this issue almost constantly since late childhood, and honestly, had mostly accepted that I just have a depressive personality (I know: how depressing). Ironically though, everything in my life has been enormously positive lately, so the fact that I've still found a way to be unhappy in spite of all this happy around me has finally convinced me to make some changes.

First, I've started seeing a clinical psychologist (ick, that makes me feel like equal parts yuppie and psycho). I hate the talking part, and as I told S, "I don't quite get how talking for an hour about what a loser I am is supposed to make me feel less like a loser."

At least my smartassedness is intact.

Also, I've had the book The Depression Cure recommended, and while the title sounds a little self-help-nutty, I'm drawn to the author's position that so many of us feel miserable because we're too far removed from our evolutionary lifestyle (with deficits in sunlight, sleep, fatty acid intake, social support, engaging work, and exercise all affecting how our brains function). If nothing else, the lifestyle changes feel approachable for me right now, and I appreciate the medication-free angle.

In addition to changing some daily habits, I've mainly been working on getting out of my own head, not ruminating on things so much. To that effect, long runs and bike rides have been opportunities to fret, so I've avoided those lately. I reluctantly started the p90x DVDs up again to keep moving, and it's paying off well, doing a nice job at keeping me from contemplating much (other than oh my hell, I am so sore).

I'm hugely self-conscious of being such a wreck when I have a mighty fortunate life compared to so many around me, but I have to work to remember that's all the more reason for me to get over this discontent. I'm trying to approach this the same way I've dealt with physical injury, maybe with a bit more patience. I've practiced my negativity and self-limiting habits for so long that I'm a well-tuned depression machine, so it's going to take some time for me to retrain myself.

And, that's where I am. I've been so withdrawn that I was about to delete this blog for good. The fact that I now feel like posting – even if it's a bunch of whining – seems like progress to me. In addition to just generally being a nutjob, I still have an awesome new bike to debut, and my meat-eating experiment is due for an update (hint: the experiment's over, and I've made a definite decision), so I'm hoping to be in the writing mood more often in the coming weeks.

what is...

2011-03-30T13:44:00.000-05:00

rarely found on Craigslist,

3 years old and built to last,

made of the same material as part of my wedding band (which is platinum and _____),

accented with carbon fiber,

actually the appropriate size for me,

already an Ironman itself,

traveling across middle America,

on a UPS truck headed my direction?

A box full of utter excitement and disbelief (and a pinch of credit debt), that's what!

food ramblings turn drastic

2011-03-24T11:09:00.001-05:00

Let me tell you why I've been a strict vegetarian, sometimes vegan, for 16 years:

It is not nice to mistreat or kill animals.

That simple reason has been downright easy to stick to over the years. It is (to me) inarguable, solidly rational, bombproof even?

Except, it has started to fail me (or I have failed it?) because, while my beliefs about animal rights haven't changed a lick, my awareness of nutrition and desire for optimal health have started to weigh more heavily. And yesterday... I decided to quit vegetarianism.

I know!

The horror!

What is the world coming to?!

Oh wait, the rest of the world isn't as wrapped up in my daily food intake as I am?
OK, carry on then. I'm going to rattle on with thoughts about this anyway...

So, vegetarianism has clearly always been about ethics for me; I didn't mix in "health reasons" as many do. Initially, I was really more of a mac'n'cheese-atarian, then a PB-sandwich-vegan, but over the past few years, I have sought to be the healthiest possible lacto-ovo vegetarian. Most recently, a typical day was:

Breakfast: coffee, blueberry/banana/spinach/yogurt smoothie, two poached eggs
Snack: handful of raw almonds/walnuts/pecans
Lunch: big salad, cottage cheese
Snack: apple dipped in peanut butter
Dinner: quinoa, sweet potato fries, broccoli
Dessert: chocolate

I felt decent after a couple of months with this routine, but... umm... decent? Decent is simply not a good enough result for my level of athletic activity and for what I think is pretty darn clean eating. Time for a change?

Add to this the fact that my kids are not being raised vegetarian, rather learning where all their food comes from and how to make healthy choices. I often find myself hoping they'll pick the turkey sandwich over grilled cheese, suggesting they try some of the fish S cooked, or recently breaking my I will not cook meat rule by tossing Naked Nuggets in the oven for lunch when they've had quite enough peanut butter for the week.

I am not keen on being such a hypocrite though. And if I consistently acknowledge that the healthier option is to get some protein from lean meat, what does that teach them about how I value my own nutrition?

Ugh, so many thoughts, but really not a lot of ambivalence about the actual decision, just the fall-out. I have to tell my family eventually. My three younger sisters went vegetarian shortly after I did. My dad, while not really on board, has graciously spent years catering to our diets at family gatherings. I worry about the message it will send Lola that I am quitting something. S has been supportive, but confused, and put it best when he said, "I don't know this person!"

I don't either!

I suppose I have far too much of my identity wrapped up in being the vegetarian. I list it when asked to describe myself because vegetarianism sums up who I am pretty nicely (thoughtful, stubborn, willing to buck conventional wisdom) without being as provoking as some of my other not-so-Midwestern beliefs (atheism and far-left liberalism tend to rile folks up around here, go figure). I'm not obnoxious about it, but have been known to be self-righteous – probably intolerable for my share of awkward social meals – and now I must prepare to say, oh, never mind!

Really though, what bothers me most right now is that I'm quitting something, one of the few things in my history that I have actually had the discipline and long-term drive to follow through on. That's pretty unfair though, an unreasonable amount of pressure on food choices to stand in for actual achievement!

For now, I'm treating this is an experiment. I'll start with occasional fish, some poultry, and see where it goes from there. While I don't have any delusions about meat production ever being kind, I still see value in seeking organic/pasture-raised meat. Oddly, I'm not interested in trying any processed products, and am more comfortable with meat that is clearly what it is. I buy eggs from a local farm, and think I might get one of their chickens to roast next week. Oh, and I have to confess, I'm a little excited about the new world of cooking that may just open up.

It could end up being a month-long break from vegetarianism – seems reasonable, a month for 16 years? – or a more lasting change in habits. We'll see. I'll probably keep yapping about it too.

photo evidence of productivity

2011-03-09T14:24:00.001-06:00

As mentioned, I've had a rather unproductive few weeks lately. Today, however, feels back to normal. Yesterday's run pace surprised me, today's noon bike was pleasantly tough, and now I'm using my time efficiently -- 10 (and only 10) minutes to stretch, eat some leftover quinoa-stuffed red peppers, and dork around here on the internet before waking #2 from his nap to go fetch #1 from preschool. Then I'll have 30 minutes to make them a snack, load the dishwasher, and get myself ready to head off to work for 4 hours. After work, I WILL go straight to the pool to swim (NOT straight home to pumpkin pie and bed like Monday). Then home for 30 minutes of couch time before bed.

This feels so much more "me" than the lazy habits I've fallen into. Must keep this in mind.

ABCs

2011-03-07T11:23:00.003-06:00

I can't help but think up my own answers every time I read one of these, so I might as well get it out of my system:

Age: 32

Bed size: queen.

Chore you dislike: Oh my god, I so hate dishes.

Dogs: Orbit (black great Dane), Irwin & Matilda (cattle dog/Aussie übermutts), plus Zippy (hamster) and Stu (tabby cat, a new addition)

Essential start to your day: coffee. I make it before I even start the kids' breakfast–the most purely selfish thing I do any given day.

Favorite color: green. no, blue. wait, red... I love color, am fascinated by how specific hues work together, yet have a mostly white/neutral house because I am so tragically indecisive about it.

Gold or silver: Definitely silver (we're talking about metal household hardware, right? – 'cause jewelry is a waste of resources.)

Height: 5’3"

Instruments you play(ed): Piano and flute. Never really liked it, but my mom thought it would make me well-rounded – she was right.

Job title: usually mom, sometimes bike shop salesperson

Kids: Lola & Hank

Live: While I'm physically in Kansas, my heart is at the beach, and my mind is still in SW Colorado.

Mom’s name: Jennifer. She's been gone for 14 years now and that's still weird to type.

Nicknames: No current ones, though my new boss has called me Sara four times now, if that counts.

Overnight hospital stays: two nights–one for each childbirth.

Pet peeves: teeth scraping a metal fork (we have lips for a reason), clutter (I'm my own worst offender), people who are too lazy to remove the label sticker from an item before using it, parents who raise kids who are _____ [insert: racist, sexist, generally douche-y], mayonnaise... was I supposed to just list one thing here? I could go on.

Quote from a movie: I giggle every time the kids are watching Cars and Mater says (about Red's opinion of Lightning), "Aw, he's just a little bit shy... and he hates ya for killin' his flowers." I am constantly using my shyness as a cover for being just plain irritated by people (see P).

Righty or lefty: Righty, though I always wanted to be a lefty.

Siblings: 2 brothers, 3 sisters, all younger (and no, we're not Mormon or Catholic).

Time you wake up: 7, but I'm switching back to 6 this week to work out before kids wake up.

Underwear: Um, yes? Patagonia boy shorts are the bestest.

Vegetables you don’t like: onions and water chestnuts.

What makes you run late: Me. I can always find a way to be late.

X-rays you’ve had: just dental. I think all my spine stuff was by MRI.

Yummy food you make: My favorite home-cooked meal is spinach/artichoke calzones. I've never made the same birthday cake twice, but they're always as awesome as they should be. And I make a mean cup of coffee.

Zoo animal favorites: the sea lions. No matter how hot and miserable our zoo gets and how pathetic their old pool, they always look so happy. I'm personally torn about the ethics of caging animals for anything other than conservation/rescue reasons, but as a parent I see the magic of kids learning to appreciate so many animals right here in their hometown.

indecisive month is over

2011-03-01T14:24:00.000-06:00

I struggled big time with my motivation throughout all of February. Even last night, my mind changed once every single second of my 5-minute drive from work to pool. Tick--I'm not swimming, tock--I am swimming, tick--not swimming, tock--am swimming, tick--nope, tock--yep. Five full minutes of it, right to the Y parking lot entrance where I may or may not have slowed to an appropriate turning speed because I was really that close to just driving on by.

But I made it, and then there was actually a real swimmer in the lane next to me who was cruising through a tough workout (an ironic rarity at my Y which is almost exclusively populated by water walkers, small children, and novice triathletes). She was very easy to idolize. I spent far too much time on the wall just wondering how long ago one would have started swimming in order to become such a bad ass.

I'd rather like to be a bad ass at something.
(well, something in addition to baking chocolate chip cookies and perfecting minor drywall repair).

So, it's indecisiveness that I need to tackle this week. When I only have a short window to fit in a workout, I can't waste even 5 minutes with this silly waffling. So ridiculous.

Bad asses are not wafflers.

(And there we have the dumbest sentence I've typed in a long time, but hell, it's true.)

right now I'm...

2011-02-14T10:29:00.000-06:00

:: procrastinating coming up with a last-last-minute Valentine's gift.

:: acknowledging that I fell off the horse training-wise (past tense because I'm back on it... ready... now). Two mildly sick weeks should not have been enough to derail me. I'll be tougher next time. Carrying on.

:: having a ton of fun ordering things for our little vintage travel trailer project.

:: having less fun swallowing the nearly $700 repair bill we just had for our $2200 car.

:: settling in at my part-time job. I still feel lucky that I get paid anything to ogle/learn about/discuss bikes; so much so that I keep forgetting to pick up my paychecks. I'm also a little confused how to label myself now: a stay-at-home mom who works a little? a part-time working mom? a normal human who does a little of everything?

:: loving my new hyper-anal coffee system. I finally got a burr grinder and now weigh the press on a kitchen scale while brewing to get the water:coffee ratio (about 15:1) just right almost every time. Sure, I still have to clear dirty dishes out of the way many mornings, but my little coffee island of precision makes me happy.

:: cracking up at the naked bum of a potty-training 2-year-old. My poor kids have no asses.

:: feeling humbled that I tried to go for a ride outside yesterday (to commute to work) and only made it a couple blocks before I had a mechanical failure (something really stupid, a rather important bolt that I had left loose on purpose while fooling around with my position on the trainer, not thinking I'd be heading outside until I had done my spring tune-up). I wasn't carrying any tools, and had to walk home, then drive to work in a hurry. So silly.

:: also procrastinating dishes and laundry.

sickly

2011-02-04T13:09:00.000-06:00

I've been nursing a weird cold thing for a couple of weeks now and I'm so ready to be over it. I'll be back to regular posting soon, really I will...

But first, I must get this disaster of a house cleaned up.

new year

2011-01-06T16:46:00.000-06:00

Whoops, a whole month? Where to begin...

The holidays were great and exhausting. We were all miserably sick, but rallied for the Christmas fun, then took the week after to hunker down and get well. That sort of worked, and now I'm thrilled to be at least sort of better.

As far as resolutions, I'm not really feeling it this year, which is kind of surprising. I've been acting on my goals with more immediacy lately, so I guess I didn't save much for the New Year. It's a strange place for me to be so content, really. I suppose I should resolve to keep it up?

I do have a few new efforts that just happened to coincide with 2011's start:

Structured training: Now that I'm mostly functioning again, I'm back into a set training schedule. If last year was my "just get the hell out there to get over the anxiety" year, this one is the "learn more and take better notes" year. I'm following Friel's Training Bible to the letter, and the timing couldn't be better to start at the very bottom of the plan this month with a few weeks of prep training.

Clean eating: We've really healthed it up around here food-wise, partly because I want to more honestly practice what I preach (you are what you eat), and partly because S is eating really well and I cannot let him be the healthiest eater in the house. I like how I feel when I'm skipping wheat and sugar, eating tons of fruit/veg, boosting my protein intake, but that makes for a lot of salads, nuts, and eggs, and I find myself due to eat even when I don't feel terribly hungry. It ends up being hard for me to keep my weight up eating so clean. Poor me, I need to eat more. I probably shouldn't go around saying that out loud.

Embracing technology: I'm a little overwhelmed with data right now. In the past two weeks I have finally gotten a simple Timex watch (after 18 months without one) and an iPhone (after I dropped my trusty old Razr one too many times and wedged the battery back in with one too many pieces of random detritus). So. much. information. Not to mention the cool wi-fi bathroom scale I got S for x-mas, and then the Apple TV he secretly bought himself and got in trouble for (only for me to eventually agree it is really freaking cool).

Working and balancing: I gave myself a couple weeks to get used to the part-time job, and now I'm settled in and ready to figure out how to balance it ALL. One recent help has been swimming after my two weeknight work shifts. That makes for a late night away from home and puts a workout within an hour of bedtime, but I'm out anyway and it frees up two other nights for relaxing family dinners and Apple TV time with the husband. The way the family+training+work routine is falling into place makes me happy, but the house is a MESS and it's time to get that role worked into the equation as well.

All right, on with the year.

sometimes-at-home mom

2010-12-09T14:26:00.001-06:00

I have a new plan of attack for ridding my life of excuses and it involves making myself busier. Yes, busier. And wouldn't it be handy if, by being busier, I also made a little money?

We see where this is going, right...

I picked up a part-time job!

I'm a little shy to say exactly where, but let's say it is a retail gig... and it is directly related to one of the disciplines of this sport I'm desperate to get a hook into... and it's the discipline with the most technological gear... the most ardent fanatics... and definitely the most to learn. OK, enough with the less-than-subtle clues already – it's a bike shop.

After 3 1⁄2 years of "unemployment," I'm nervous about how big a change it will be to work even a bit. My mood is a mix of cautiously optimistic, eager to settle in, and what the heck, it can't hurt to try. Once I stop fretting about how to handle the busyness I've signed up for, there are just a few things at the top of my thoughts:

1. I strive to start cleaning the place up – can't deny the neatfreak mom in me, I suppose.

2. How convenient is it that they're a dealer of one of the few bikes with the geometry my short stature and disproportionately shorter torso needs?

and

3. How the hell did I forget to ask about an employee discount?

Santa knew

2010-12-02T15:12:00.000-06:00

6-month pool pass?
--- check

New bike trainer?
--- check

Card telling me to go for it already?
--- check

Somehow S knew just what I would have put on my wish list this year, if I were not the type of person who answers, "oh, I don't need anything."

Actually, it wasn't exactly telepathic, as I had been outwardly depressed for a few days, questioning whether this whole triathlon thing could ever be a good fit, kicked while I was down when my mooched Y pass officially expired. It sounds like a silly thing to be so mopey about, but it meant more to me than just a lost pool pass – it was a wall.

S noticed, and couldn't wait until x-mas to get me not just one, but ALL of the things I would never have told him I really wanted. I was so excited, I didn't even go through my normal reaction of questioning the expense or my gift-worthiness, but headed right out to complete the trifecta and pay full retail (!) for the fresh pair of running shoes I also needed.

So, I may have gotten a lot of really, really neat stuff for my extra special, extra early gift, but what I really got was a huge nudge to see what I can do when

I

have

no

excuses.

Time to pick a race or two and put it all together :)
I may even have a plan in the works for overcoming my wicked case of mommy guilt.

the bestest holiday

2010-11-25T06:33:00.000-06:00

I adore Thanksgiving. My busy little cooking/fretting/organizing mind eats up the blitz of food planning and prep. I'm not even hosting a meal at my house today and I was up at 4:55 to get to baking.

Even better, I got my run in – my first sub-freezing/pre-dawn run in quite some time – on the coldest day of the season so far. Oh my cold. The first few minutes were rough, but by the turnaround it was all worth it.

Happy day!

HTFU, frugal-style

2010-11-03T15:53:00.001-05:00

There has been a lot in the news lately to remind me, once again, that I may not be the typical triathlon-minded target audience.

For example, the NY Times claimed the average triathlete's income is $175,000 and their annual tri expenses average $22,000. Wow, that's a lot of Gu. (I'd link the article, but it's really not worth reading. Here's my summary: silly statistics are thrown around and the word triathlete is apparently synonymous with middle-aged male executive d-bag who equally fears "getting chicked" and death, and thus will pay lots of money in the hopeless attempt to avoid both)

This sort of story makes me feel at times that I have picked the wrong hobby, and that the triathlon industry is actively trying to exclude people like me (why wouldn't they want to recruit 30-something unemployed moms with zero discretionary income and tons of guilt?). But, as hard as I try, I still can't talk myself out of it.

And sometimes my solutions are just entertaining...

After June's basement flood I made an extra effort to salvage my bike trainer, mostly because of the cost to replace it, but maybe also due to a little emotional attachment – 8 years ago I saw it outside a thrift store, asked the price, and was told, "If you will tell us what it's for, you can have it." And here I am still using it, at least I was until it became a secret ingredient in basement soup.

So, I bleached it, scrubbed it with a toothbrush, set it by a fan to dry out, oiled up what I could get to, checked to see that it was still spinning, optimistically put it back in its spot, and then took a bike break for a month or so. When I recently picked up the bike workouts again, I was in for a treat.

Turns out, the flood was not so nice to the trainer's innards. It still works, but now with extra squeaky backtalk, and in only two of the 8 resistence settings: max, and next-to-max. A treat indeed.

I flaked out on the first workout I tried, finding plenty of excuses like this resistance is going to injure me, this racket is going to wake up the kids, or I'll just do my ride outdoors tomorrow (ha!). A couple of bikeless weeks went by while I schemed up ways to find $99 for a new trainer (which got in line behind $90 for new running shoes, and $35 for a watch, none of which worked out). Ultimately, I headed back down to the basement and just started pedaling, hoping something would loosen up and let me spin more easily.

Well, after a few workouts, I can say nothing about the trainer has magically improved, but at least it hasn't worsened. I feel fitter for having toughed it out, and the resistance is becoming my new normal. Without the easy spin option, I run up and down the basement steps and do lunges to warm up before I get on the bike, then build up my cadence gradually. It's not a long-term solution or really a good idea, but it's getting me by for now, and – bonus! – it's sort of hilarious.

So there you have it, market researchers and Mr. TypicalTriathlete. I defy your multisport consumer stereotypes. At least I do until the day when I get to walk into a bike store and say you there, fit me to a tri bike and then sell it to me. I'll be all about the consumerism that day.

edit 11.4.10: 30 seconds of internet searching found a recall notice on my particular trainer model, which means I may be able to get some key parts replaced by the manufacturer for free!

the good kind of busy

2010-11-01T11:23:00.001-05:00

Wow, October was a full month. There were limited days that S didn't work, and no one was sick, but those days were pretty packed with fall shenanigans...

Started the month out with a new car, finally giving in to the lure of an SUV (to pull the camper). I'm a little sad to be without our fun hatchback, feeling like a suburban sell-out, but ahhh... the heated seats are buying my love. The kids seem to enjoy the new view, at least when they aren't overdue for lunch:

We headed to a local cider mill to eat cider doughnuts, take a tractor-driven hayride, and pay the premium to pick our pumpkins from a field of corn rather than from a stack of straw at the hardware store. It was worth it:

Cold blueberry/yogurt breakfast smoothies haven't sounded as good as warm blueberry/yogurt-topped French toast:

Everything one would need to know about S and me was reflected in our soup choices: He made a chili con carne (beef, bacon, tomato, spices, beef, beef, beef), while I (with a great little sous chef), made a roasted pumpkin-coconut-curry soup:

And then there was Halloween... Lola settled on being a tiger about 11 months and 29 days ago, much to my relief (last year's triceratops was a task), and Hank got a last-minute hoodie-turned-owl. That tiger turned out to be a little more complicated than planned when I stubbornly cheaped out and insisted on making the tiger fabric myself by cutting many black stripes to sew onto orange felt. I don't know a thing about sewing, but crap, can I appliqué now:

Pumpkin gutting was, as always, the best part of the jack-o-lantern process:

I was a little stumped by the Hello Kitty request at first, but we worked it out. Revisit the blueberry smile above for Hank's pumpkin-matching lack-of-tooth:

Not even two yet, and this guy has trick-or-treating figured out. At the first house he thought the neighbor was trying to take his candy, so the person kindly let him take a second piece. He then sweetly offered his bucket twice at every other house, smart kid:

I'm all for Halloween being a one day all-you-can-eat candyfest, but now I have to figure out how this loot and the word "moderation" can possibly get along:

today is:

2010-10-21T15:32:00.000-05:00

a bullet day!

gorgeous outside. Crisp morning air, high of 71º this afternoon, just absolutely perfect. Walking through the twinkle of falling leaves this morning, I was slammed with a feeling of guilt for recently thinking the prospect of hunkering down for winter weather sounded "cozy."

the 12th day some or all members of this house have been struggling with a cold. And, here's where avoiding daycare catches up with us: this factory farm of new-to-us viruses, otherwise known as preschool. My energy level is finally OK and I only had one day of fever, but sheesh the sniffles have lingered, lingered, lingered. I had to learn to breathe out through my mouth for the first time at the pool last night to spare the other pool patrons from my nose contents (it occurs to me that perhaps I was supposed to do that all along?).

as good a day as any to get re-hooked on the internet world of triathlon training, injury griping, gear comparing, how-to-fit-it-all-in blogging, race schedule scheming, etc. I missed that world.

a marked moment of feeling remotivated and ready to be my regular disciplined self. I'm still not feeling 100% fired up, but I don't think I'm going to find that fire sitting on the couch, so off I go.

appropriately challenging with trying to fit in me time around a 15-hour workday for S and two sickly kids. I think the most productive thing I can do will be to just go with the flow, squeezing in a bit of yoga, rolling my legs, eating well, and resting up to finally get over this damn cold.

back at it

2010-10-11T15:29:00.000-05:00

After a down month, I'm feeling ready to get back into training. This is only news because I haven't been doing much of anything lately, and for awhile there I didn't really know when I'd feel like doing much of anything again.

My slump started when I got exceptionally overwhelmed recently with several different issues, and it turns out "athletic me" was the easiest role to drop. I left my gear in the closet, stopped reading athletic news/blogs of any kind, and just disconnected.

To be honest though, I can't simply blame my break on recent stresses. I had finished the summer specifically frustrated with how my year went – if finally setting some long-procrastinated goals was a test of my will, my results say it was a test that I failed. And on the money front, I feel completely stalled by the guilt of using any of our resources for my own little hobby.

I don't have any drastic solutions in mind, but I'm at least in the mood to go for a real run, so we'll start there.

more adventures in health care

2010-09-19T21:55:00.000-05:00

No real news on the training front. I am absolutely taking advantage of the built-in discipline of preschool. Walking one kid to school then immediately taking off on a run with the other (relatively featherweight one) in the stroller every morning is great for me. I start every morning with very little idea of what I'm up to, and just run what I feel like running, for as long as I feel like doing so. It's glorious.

That said, I have doctor's orders to not run this week because of a few stitches in my calf. Before I could even finish the sentence, "I'm a runner, so how do I need to handle..." he dismissed me with, "Oh, just take it easy for a couple of weeks. Surely you can chill out until the sutures are removed." This was after he pointed out a tiny pale spot on my arm and casually made the dramatic comparison to Michael Jackson's autoimmune skin condition while I sat there in awe of his awkwardness. The nurse nearly choked.

How do I keep finding these doctors who are so absolutely anti-running? Doctors who underestimate the stress-reducing benefits of exercise? Or, who don't even acknowledge the universal comfort of habit even if they don't agree with my choice of activities? I also have the female GP who whines "You know, doctors in general are not fans of the idea of women running." What an idea: women... running. Ladies, have you heard, there's this idea floating around that we can catch a little air between steps. They call it running. No, seriously, it's not just for the menfolk anymore! But shhh, don't tell your doctor.

On the bright side, my medical professionals seem just generally more hilarious than others.
Hey, I have genuinely lousy social skills too. Perhaps I would have fit in at med school?

a couple of quick links

2010-08-26T07:50:00.000-05:00

This 101cookbooks carrot cake was a great first-day-of-preschool treat. It wasn't just "good for a cake with no sugar," it was genuinely delicious, dense, customizable, but still made from ordinary ingredients. Even if you don't bake, make that maple/cream cheese frosting.

I wasn't joking, I really was consumed by the idea of getting a fiberglass egg camper. And now there's a brown one in our driveway ready for a complete renovation! I can't even remotely make it triathlon related, so I've started a separate blog here to channel my new obsessive interest and keep it from taking over the rest of my goals. But wait... perhaps I could someday haul it to out-of-town races for cheap lodging... hmmm...

easily distracted

2010-08-18T10:00:00.001-05:00

I'm still kicking, just finding myself (pleasantly) busy with so many things.

July flew by as we prepared for our much anticipated trip to Florida. In hindsight, it was rather ambitious to drive 16+ hours in order to camp for 8 days when:
I'd never camped, or even slept in a backyard tent before (I suppose I'm just daytime outdoorsy?)
Neither of the kids had ever been away from home overnight.
The longest "road trip" we'd taken the kids on was a 2-hour drive.
The Gulf has this teeny little oil spill issue lately.
We were tent camping. At the beach. In Florida. In August.

But, the fact that I haven't left the house overnight in over 6 years (I refuse to count two little hospital visits for baby-delivering) may have helped me toss out all the reasonable excuses not to travel alongside my RVing dad to a coastal state park 7 states away. So, after obsessively planning and packing, we loaded our little hatchback to the brim, plopped a cargo box and two bikes on top, and hit the road.

It really was a great trip. The kids' reactions to the ocean were priceless and the time away from home was exactly what we all needed. Mornings at the beach were beautiful, the sugar sand was clear of any oil, the smooth water was a glassy turquoise. Even the occasional BP oil clean-up folks pacing by in their safety gear weren't too much of a damper (they weren't finding anything to pick up).

The only downside was the intolerably hot afternoons, and we became much too dependent on crashing for movie time in my dad's air conditioned RV each day just to keep the kids from melting. Never in my life did I think I'd choose to leave the beach before absolutely necessary, but we ended up packing up a day early when storms made the surf unsafe and our free entertainment options dried up.

And for every bit of fun we had, it has never felt so absolutely wonderful to get home – probably the best definition of vacation success.

Now I'm back in gear, ready to get to work in all areas. I'm attacking a bunch of projects that were weighing on me before (sanding and painting the hallway is this week's not-at-all-fun task). S is back to his regular schedule, Lola starts preschool in a few days (!), and I'm ready to hit the road to work on my run this fall. During our vacation I swam, I biked, I ran – all for fun – so I'm refreshed and ready to be training for something again. I'd like to get a baseline time that will help me gauge my current fitness for next years' goals, so I'm planning on at least two 5Ks before winter hits.

But first, I'm completely distracted by my new internet obsession – the search for one of these to fix up as our climate-controlled basecamp for future family outdoorsy adventures (and so our next vacation is 6 months from now, rather than 6 years):

I must have a tiny molded fiberglass camper. Must. Never mind that we don't have a trailer hitch on our car. I will hitch it to my bike and pull it home if that's what it takes.

my one-&-a-half-athlon

2010-07-13T21:28:00.001-05:00

I'm still a little mopey about the canceled race. I'm most sad that I don't have another $60 lying around somewhere in a "backup triathlon entry" fund. There is a September race that might work out if I can ferret away the cash before it sells out, but we have two big expenses in early August that have to clear before I can even consider paying for a race.

I need to do something, if for no other reason than I now have a race shirt with TRIATHLETE across the back in shouty caps, making it unwearable unless I'm prepared to say, "oh, no, I haven't done one, I just wear the shirt." Oh, and then there's that whole prove to myself I only have to fail at something for 10 years (not 11) before I get it done.

OK, enough whining. There were actually plenty of positive things gained from my demi-triathlon experience:

:: It lit a fire under me to get back on track with training. I almost completely missed three of the four weeks of training immediately before the race, but pulled together a solid 9 days (I know, not much) at the end. That last week probably didn't make a lick of difference fitness-wise, but now I know I can get it all done when I really want it.

:: My main hope for the event – even when I was hitting my early training and expecting to be in top shape – was to walk away feeling like I had started something. That feeling is definitely there.

:: There's no recovery downtime after a 30-minute half-Sprint triathlon. Even without a specific race in mind, I'm able to jump back into it this week just in case.

:: I have things to work on: swim power (not just efficiency), swim sighting, biking downhill less timidly, always packing a post-race snack (in case the food tent gets packed up, say, in a storm) to avoid arriving back home a low-blood-sugar heap of nonsense.

So, now that I know I can make a training plan stick, I need to keep that going until I figure out my next goal. I was nearly defeated by a few weird days of S working during my usual training time (late evening), but sacrificed sleep to swim at 5:00 this morning and had enough time left to get our grocery shopping done before 7:00 in complete crowd-less, kid-free peace. Clearly, I'm itching to break this failure streak.

denied

2010-07-12T11:19:00.001-05:00

So... the triathlon:

made it to the race in one nervous bundle of quiet excitement,

thrashed through the swim,

cruised through transition pretty smoothly,

made it through a lap of the bike course in the rain,

and...

the race was canceled due to a thunderstorm.

Then I picked up my soaked stuff from transition,

hoofed it back to my car,

sat in one spot for 23 minutes without moving while 700 other athletes tried to simultaneously leave the parking lot,

and came home F.R.U.S.T.R.A.T.E.D.

After sleeping on it, I'm a bit more content, just wondering what to do next.

cramming for triathlon

2010-07-06T13:39:00.002-05:00

Here I am, the week before my first triathlon, trying to finally pull together a solid training week at the last minute. I was tops at cramming for tests all through school, so I don't know why I'd expect anything else of myself in the athletic arena. Perfectly sensible from a physiology standpoint, right?

Really though, I'm just aiming to feel like an athlete again and things are actually going really well. My two-week training hiccup was enough to make me feel a little uncoordinated and wimpy up hills, but it seems my endurance hung around. Plus, I found out that I can in fact change my race entry from the longer event (1000m/18mi/4.5mi) to the shorter tiny-Sprint distance (500m/9mi/2.4mi); a switch I was torn about, but which feels like the right move to keep this a positive experience.

I'm in a much better mood now with some solid days of training under my belt. My biggest worries are swim endurance (just getting through the distance without being totally exhausted by it) and my fussy new bike pedals. I love how solid they feel underfoot while riding, but hate, hate, HATE how hard it is to unclip. I've adjusted the tension as far as it can go, oiled the contact points, spent 10 minutes of my trainer workouts unclipping every 30 seconds, but still...

I'm at the point where I feel like I need to always have a patch of grass in sight because I'm that sure I'm going to get stuck in these pedals at a stop. Oh well, as long as I'm coming to a stop when it happens, I suppose the worst I should expect is a little scrape and a lot of embarrassment.

I also had a minor meltdown when the shoes I ordered turned out to be way too tight in the toes for my post-pregnancy (x2) feet, but had no time to exchange them. After a frustrating workout feeling like I was pedaling on stumps with my toes curled so awkwardly, I broke out the ol' pointe shoe customizing ethic, dipped the toes in water and, with no patience at all, wrenched in a pair of these:

Checked the shoes the next morning and... holy crap, it was that easy. Who'd have guessed something I could have found in Grandma's mothball-scented closet would end up such a mighty valuable tool for triathlon.

On with the week – 4 days to go until I get to change my blog subtitle!

up for air

2010-06-30T15:41:00.000-05:00

OK, let's make this short: whine, whine, having a flooded basement sucks. If you have a basement, have a sump pump. If you have a sump pump, have a "sump pump back-up" endorsement on your homeowners' insurance. And once you have that policy, be very, very sure you don't keep more than the value of it in your basement. You do not want to have a 6-foot tall dumpster in your driveway filled with thousands of dollars worth of things you once used, currently use, will use (or at least lovingly hoarded), but that are now sewage-soaked and impossible to replace.

Luckily, I think my bike survived OK. It was the first thing I waded in for once I was fairly sure I wouldn't be electrocuted. The pedals were already rusted up by that time, so I'm pretty sure the bike itself was saved only by the recent coating of chain oil and 3-in-1 lube I gave it. The shoes were all sewage-ey, and while the cheapskate in me briefly considered soaking them in a tub of bleach, my clean freak side won out and into the dumpster they went along with the rusted pedals...

and my hopes of doing any bike training for a while.

For the first week of clean-up I got in my fair share of "strength training" but couldn't find ten minutes to get out on a run, let alone visit the pool or find a bike to ride. About 12 times a day I decided to call it quits on the whole triathlon thing. With the whole family illness, basement mess, looming expiration of my gifted Y pass, loss of a key bike part, money issues, it all felt like too much. I was most frustrated that for years I have let little non-excuses get in my way, and then I finally get the mental part right just to have some actual excuses pop up.

Then, my birthday came up – my chance to get it together. This year, finally, I would actually spend my birthday money on myself. I was all psyched up for it: no shopping for the kids, no using it on groceries, no quietly adding it into the checking account because it's my-only-annual-opportunity-to-contribute-to-the-family-income-in-a-quantifiable-way. I was going to be gloriously selfish, take an afternoon to visit the local bike shop, buy myself some pedals, get new shoes, maybe even a watch, or a new saddle, or an actual cycling jersey, or a pair of tri shorts, so many choices.

Um, then I learned 32 is apparently the year one abruptly stops getting birthday money.

There must have been a secret meeting.

After wallowing in that for a bit and trying out being goal-less (blech), I decided I needed to either fix this NOW, or risk pouting for the next 10 years. Because I will. I will pout for the next. ten. years. So, last night I got out the debit card, did my online bargain searching, and – many dollars later – I have bike shoes, pedals, and a new saddle on the way. One obstacle down.

I'm undecided whether I should show up for the triathlon on July 11th completely out of shape, and downgrade to the shorter distance race just to get by. It crushes me to withdraw, but I don't want to half-ass it either. Decisions, decisions. But, at least I'm moving forward, emerging from the basement, and out of last week's terrible funk.

it's only stuff, right?

2010-06-17T09:20:00.001-05:00

Remember back in November how I was really proud of my basement clean-up project and bike area? A picture to refresh the memory:

Well, let's take a little tour circa Monday at 8 a.m.

Down to the basement we go:

Careful, don't trip on the cords or hoses. Ominous, aren't they? Hmmm, why are those laundry baskets, furnace filters, and empty buckets near the door, they're usually across the...

Ohhhh.

This is a mess, on top of a mess, on top of a mess.

But hey, Lola finally got to see a rainbow last night:

Just ignore the flood clean-up/restoration truck in front of the neighbor's house.

Is there a company that I can just hire to just restore my training goals for me? Somehow, getting the sump pump, air conditioner, water heater, washer and dryer fixed/replaced and hauling many, many pounds of wet stuff from our basement has given swim/bike/run the backseat. Oh, and internet is down too (don't ask how I'm posting this, it's magical).

the difference a run makes

2010-06-10T13:59:00.001-05:00

I'm a liar.

I said I'd quit running on my old shoes, but just couldn't resist. I found 30 minutes last night: too little time to achieve much on the bike or make it to the pool, but enough to run a mile or two away and then turn back with a little boost.

Just that bit of time was enough to kick start my outlook. Today I've found my productivity again, making some appointments, showing a little initiative on a task, chopping down an unruly vine while the kids played outside, and even mowing the lawn.

(I'm guessing it makes me a lousy feminist to be inordinately proud each time I conquer that big scary mower, but to be fair none of the six kids in my family learned to operate one until getting houses of our own – Dad's kid-free hobbies were fishing and mowing).

And as far as training, I already have a sense of habit back, a feeling that it would be abnormal to skip my next workout.

It's good to be reminded that no matter how off track I feel, it only takes one little tiny run to get the ball rolling again. Sure, it's probably not the most successful training strategy, but my standards are low :)

recent happenings

2010-06-09T13:52:00.000-05:00

Thanks for the kind wishes on my last post.

Here's a run-down of our past week:

:: My mother-in-law made it through her brain surgery, which was reportedly a complete success. The main side effect is that the tumor was right on the part of her brain that controls speech, so her verbal skills are pretty wonky right now. It sounds like her word stumbles make her seem "not all there" at random times, and I know that must be troubling for S and his sister to see their mom in yet another vulnerable light. I haven't heard the prognosis for her recovery, but it sounds like she'll be discharged to a rehab facility instead of straight home (very good news).

:: My running shoes failed in a rather spectacular way, going from fine on one run, to causing knee, heel, and shin issues on the next. I rotated to other old shoes for a few runs, but couldn't keep the heel soreness (PF, I assume) at bay for long, and should probably stick to biking and swimming until I can get some new shoes. I would be bummed out about the injury threat, but they've been pretty minor aches, and most importantly, did NOT involve my hip or IT band! Yay, I'm back to being the kind of person who can have a temporary ache, isolate it, fix it, and keep moving!

:: Despite my resolve to keep our good habits going no matter what sort of disarray other things were in, I completely fell off the training wagon, with no swims in over a week and no activity since Friday. Every possible excuse came up and mentally I was just defeated by the recent confusion. It didn't help that our schedule was completely unpredictable in a weird way: it felt like at any given time, I couldn't say what I'd be doing an hour later, yet I really don't want to nag S right now about how long he'll be at the hospital, or when he'll be home from work. But, in hindsight, had I been more flexible, I could have found opportunities for me-time and jumped on them. On the bright side, my heels feel 100% better today, so I'll just say it was an unintended but smart recovery break, and pick up where I left off.

round 2

2010-06-02T14:02:00.000-05:00

Yesterday at 2:00 life was going well. Really well. All at once, solutions were in place for some major worries, and we were looking at a summer of experiencing financial security for the first time in too long, achieving goals that have been in the works for too long, and going on a mini vacation that has been due for too long (8 years). The biggest gripe in my spoiled life was that I needed a new pair of running shoes and have been rotating between three ache-causing old pairs in order to keep any one injury from developing. Everthing else was solid.

But yesterday at 3:00? Not so hot.

A year to the date from her first diagnosis, S's mom's cancer is back, in the worst possible place. Optimism is hard to come by and tough decisions lie ahead. Having it come up at the same time of year is unpleasantly familiar and ominous (last summer was a tough one, indeed).

At the same time though, I feel like last year was useful practice dealing with a health crisis and the conflicts that result. On my end, I'm determined to keep up my little family's normalcy – our food choices, our exercise habits, our down time together – seemingly silly things that actually keep life feeling stable, even when things are otherwise rotten.

photo evidence & a story problem

2010-05-21T13:57:00.000-05:00

First, here's the photo proof that...
1. I'm a real person (!)
2. I really did a duathlon last weekend (still can't believe it myself)
3. I am capable of smiling for a photo instead of sheepishly ducking out of the shot
4. I need some sun like nobody's business

And for my second matter of business, I have a little math puzzle that has me stumped:

Let's say Runner A runs a 6.2-mile race, exerting as much effort as she can muster for the entire distance – how about we call it Effort=hard. She completes the race in 50 minutes and 5 seconds.

Now, let's say Runner B runs a 6.3-mile training run. She starts out the run with 20 minutes of easy warm-up, defined very scientifically as "even slower than effort that enables runner to keep mouth shut and breathe easily through nose or talk to herself" or perhaps Effort=putt-putt, building up to Effort=easy. Then she runs 12x30 seconds of Effort=hard, with a minute of recovery (Effort=putt-putt) after each little sprint. After completing these little bursts, she settles back into Effort=easy for the rest of the run. When she stops at her start point, she casually glances at her watch and notices the number 50:05.

Oh, and Runner A and Runner B are the same person, so the complimentary Efforts should equal matching paces.

Pencils, paper, ready? Show your work, please.

One warning: Don't let my dad help you with this one, or experience says you'll end up crying at the kitchen table. (Dad + Me) / story problems = tears.

my first duathlon

2010-05-17T14:18:00.002-05:00

my first duathlon!
my first time riding a bike in a group!
my bike's first trip on the car roof rack!
my first ride outside in the past year (other than a little spin the day before)!
my first race of any kind in the rain!

For such a little race, that was a big morning of firsts.

Always the procrastinator, I put off riding outdoors right until the day before the race, but that 15 minutes in the rain on Saturday was a good confidence boost for Sunday's weather. I was also proud of my little DIY bike tune-up including everything from pretty new handlebar tape to fully adjusted brakes and both front and rear derailleurs (which had been frighteningly out of whack). So, after all that I still can't air up my tires properly or remember which lever shifts which direction, but I now know what the B-, H-, and L-screws do.

The night before, I was convinced the race would be called off due to the rain, but still packed up a laughable amount of gear. As silly as it felt to load all that stuff though, I used almost every last thing except the swim bag I had tossed in the car so I could head to the Y if the race was canceled. The dry clothes and hot coffee I packed for the drive home were simply brilliant.

The morning of, I arrived at the 7:30 race about 6:10, relieved to find that my bike was still firmly attached to the roof of my car. I didn't have to wait for body-marking, and found a good middle-ground spot on the rack. I wish I'd taken my camera if only to show that when my 49cm bike was hung from the rail, the front wheel couldn't even reach the ground – like a pathetic little kid with legs dangling from a grown-up chair. There was no wait for the indoor bathrooms at the nearby softball field, so I just ran that direction on my warm-up and then jogged back to the start. It all almost felt too easy.

The start wasn't terribly dramatic. Run #1 I made a serious effort to hold back for the first mile, then build a little at the end, which worked fine. Could have pushed harder, but glad I didn't chance it. Not really sure how much I could possibly say about 2 miles other than I thought about the upcoming bike every step of the way.

Onto the bike, I was happy to accomplish what I hoped I could.
Mainly, I didn't fall on my ass:
1. trotting out of transition in bike shoes
2. getting clipped in and rolling away from transition
3. on the hill that had me totally intimidated I'd stall and just flop to the side
4. on any of the turns we were so overzealously warned to slow for
5. getting unclipped and dismounting
6. finally running back through transition

I got lapped a lot (people who had registered for the triathlon had their swim canceled and were instead doing the duathlon 10 minutes behind us) but enjoyed the whooshing parade of pretty bikes with pricey wheels. I played leap frog with three other humble riders, but couldn't quite figure out where I was weakest (uphills? downhills? turns? flats? so many choices.). I also lost focus a couple of times and just sort of relaxed into spin mode, almost forgetting which lap (of only 3!) I was on. One of those spacey moments occurred as I was passed by a family friend who, funny coincidence, happens to be a triathlon coach (plenty embarrassing to learn my lesson).

Run #2 was sluggish at first, but I got smoother somewhere in the first half-mile and then cautiously passed a few people. Mentally, I second-guessed every pass, and had this foreboding sense I just didn't know what I was in for later. Honestly though, I felt surprisingly steady, and didn't really feel much leg fatigue until the halfway point. Around that time, a super fit guy who was either 1.) having a super bad day, or 2.) just out for a training run, passed me at a solid-but-doable pace, and I made the quick decision to pick it up to tag along a few yards behind him. I'm sure he was irritated by the loud-breathing lady stalker behind him, but I appreciated the ride right up to the finish.

I ended up 17th of 52 overall, with the rest of the details:

I'm not sure where Transition #1 was included, but suspect it was in with that Run #1 number. Transition #2 was the biggest laugh – S pointed out I could have moved up 6 places just by having an average transition time!

This was the perfect relaxed way to ease into multisport. After the race, I just couldn't believe I'd done it and that it had gone so smoothly. My call home from the parking lot went:
"I didn't crash!"
"That's good, how'd it go?"
"I didn't crash!"

I was ridiculously giddy all day long. I'm proud I got through it all without any meltdowns, and now feel free to invest a little more in my triathlon. Really prepare, put it all out there, and risk more.

And I have to say, for all my apprehension, this cycling thing could really grow on me.

meet the treadmill

2010-05-13T14:31:00.002-05:00

Until last night, I had never run on a treadmill. S has prodded to buy one a couple of times, probably saddened or worried by my willingness to brave dark/cold/ice, etc., but – as much as I know I'd end up using a treadmill – it certainly didn't seem worth the expense relative to the FREE! FRESH! and yes, ESCAPIST! outdoors, no matter how icky the weather.

It took a couple of swims after getting my gifted Y membership before I looked over at the whirring cardio room as I was leaving and realized, wait, I can go there. Not that I want to, but I could. So, I tucked away the option in case the conditions made it necessary.

And last night they did.

The weather dorks said the storm might fizzle, but fizzle it definitely did not. I'll run in rain aplenty, some distant thunder even, but I am a nerd about lightning safety and this storm was right on top of us. During dinner I had to close the kitchen window for fear the thunder was going to damage our hearing, and had to glance outside after one crazy clap to make sure there were no burning trees or exploding transformers (see? A nerd). I kept anxiously watching the weather like normal, forgetting that with my ability to go to the gym, the weather absolutely didn't matter.

Oh right. Suck it, Nature.

And what did I learn on that treadmill?

:: Even someone who has never been on a treadmill can figure out when a machine is "the noisy one," it just might take 10 minutes of running on the screeching beast to sheepishly move over to the next free one.

:: Also in the first 10 minutes: I fumbled with my iPod, dropped (and kicked) it once, put it in my bra, adjusted the volume 8 times, put it on the console, dropped it again and sighed "oh geez, what the f*ck" accidentally loud enough that the lady next to me shot a glance, decided I should learn to de-mill quickly by hopping onto the little side foot step things and nearly missed, and suddenly thought of all the running habits (snotting, farting, spitting) I should probably curtail now indoors next to other humans.

:: For the first time in my life, I now absolutely get why someone might utterly despise running. When the view is a dirty white cinder block wall just 2 feet away and the 3 fans in the long room are positioned BEHIND the machines, that ≠ comfort. I got an extra hop in my step when a large and kindly fellow took up the treadmill next to me, deflecting the air just right so that I finally caught a breeze.

:: But oh my god, you could watch TV while running? Ooooooh...

:: OK, so the machine was pretty user-friendly and I didn't stare at it too long before getting going, but I still want a manual. Not because I'm confused, but because I am A Reader of Instructions. If someone bothered to write directions, and especially if they're written/illustrated well, I think they deserve to have those directions read. I'm certain I'd learn something (see? More nerd).

:: Why was I the only person sweating? I'm not a crazy sweat-er, but that room would make a rock bead up, so I feel completely normal for getting drenched. And yet, I was the lone slob.

:: I love dialing in a pace and having to hit it, no ifs, ands, or buts. Love it.

:: I now aspire to snag one of the machines directly in front of the mirror. I'm either eager to get a good look at my form, or I am that vain.

:: How much of a spectacle will I make when I trip. Because I will trip. Will I shoot off the back feet first and crash into the wall behind me? Will I tumble around like I'm in a clothes dryer, trying to get off the end but never making any progress? Shatter the racquetball window maybe? Manage to flop and thrash like a helpless octopus to injure and break everything within reach? I have seen the fail videos on YouTube. This will not be pretty. I imagine it will go something like this:

full of random

2010-05-10T15:29:00.000-05:00

I've been out of the blogging habit lately. I wouldn't say things have necessarily been busy, but full seems fitting. So, of course, a bit of random is due to break back into things:

:: First thing first, I have a duathlon this weekend! A few weeks ago, I was focused on my run, adding enough bike to get by in this race, not thinking too much about my July triathlon. But, getting that pool pass early gave me the time to start a complete triathlon plan, and treat this duathlon as a glorified training opportunity instead of a big focus. Trying to be in peak shape for a May race and a July race was overwhelming for such a clueless newbie anyway (I'll tackle that next year). Now I'm re-centered on my original duathlon goals: getting over the (massive) anxiety of adding the bike in a race situation, and having enough fun that I want to do it again. Even with such grounded goals though, I'm still stupid nervous about the event.

:: Mothers' Day was great. This mom's day off from planning/cooking meals meant: breakfast=pancakes, lunch=Burger King, dinner=pizzeria. It was a fun and eye-opening break that left me eager to be back on the clock today.

:: We have a chronically ill neighbor recovering from pneumonia and a long ICU stay, and I just watched a home health nurse use her 5-minute break to smoke a cigarette in her closed car, then immediately run back inside. I'm sure she won't take any of that nastiness back inside the house with her, right? Smokers are vile.

:: My motivation to bike outdoors has been ineffective, at best. I did actually bike... outdoors by setting the trainer up on the deck last week, but have yet to actually travel anywhere (details, details). I say I need to tweak the brakes, adjust the pedal clip tension thingy, and gather a spare kit, but really, I just need to get my ass out there. This little issue of mine is going to get real real this weekend if I don't get over my fretting and hit the road this week!

:: Running is going better. I hit a slump for awhile (I think I was training too hard for my fitness, maybe?), but after two weeks of slower mileage, I feel a little zippy again. And now, off to test that idea with some speed work in the rain...

vapid

2010-04-29T14:52:00.000-05:00

It has occurred to me that I'm not the most pensive runner.

The other day, S got a phone call that posed a rather thought-provoking, daily-life-affecting question to me right before my run. I even walked out the door saying, "OK, I'll go think about it." You know, because the assumption is that people work things out while running, find clarity, center themselves. Why else would we enjoy running, right? Just to move? Pffft, how simple-minded.

So, an hour later, I walked back in the door, stretched a bit, grabbed a drink, sat down on the couch, and S innocently asked, "OK, what did you decide?"

Oh, ummm... I completely forgot to think about it.

And what did I think about?

Running.

Then I thought about...

running.

And...

more running.

I'm sure it's not too strange to think only of splits/pain/hatred on speed workouts, pace on tempo runs, or the will to survive hill repeats, but even on my long, slow, relaxing runs, I'm a blank slate. One vapid runner. OK, I don't just think of nothingness, but I certainly don't think of anything productive. It's almost as if my mind is trying specifically to not be productive.

I'll count my cadence, but oddly, never starting at 1 or on a certain time (because that would, in fact, be productive). At some point, a number will just pop in my head, and I'll keep going... 42, 43, 44, 45... trail off... think up another number... 95, 96, 97... switch randomly back a few... 60, 61, 62, 63. Wow, that sounds really strange now that I think of it.

I think about my route, my pace, my effort, my shoelaces, my waistband, my hair in my eyes. The most extrinsic I get is to wonder whether I appear to be enjoying myself, or, if I've been reading horrifying news stories, whether a would-be attacker might guess I'm squirrelly enough to escape and crazy enough to fight like a feral cat?

Mostly though, I definitely think a lot about form. Posture: Proud? Slouched? Neutral? Pelvis tucked, hips steady? Arms not entirely dorky? Maybe even contributing? Stable core, not twisty? How does the road feel? Feet landing under hips? Feeling whole forefoot, not supinating? Feet parallel, not overpronating? Knees knocking?

But, lest they become productive, even these thoughts are fleeting.

If I'm working hard and needing a distraction, or my mind truly goes blank, it gets filled pretty quickly with an opportunistic parasite of a song. A few weeks ago, I sang Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes with the kids at one point and ended up with that stuck on repeat for. my. entire. run. The next time I went out, it was still there, only switched to the key things I was trying to work on at the time: head, shoulders, hips, and feet - - hips and feet.

Over.
And over.
And over.

(Actually, that ditty came in pretty handy during my 10K – an obnoxious mantra, but still a mantra – so perhaps I can be accidentally productive in my mindlessness.)

But, really, I don't mind that running is a singularly focused, purely selfish task for me. In fact, that's probably what I most need it to be. I multitask all the rest of the day, ruminate constantly, struggle to turn my mind off at bedtime, and can't be still. I'm a quiet person, not because I don't have anything to say, but rather because I'm often too busy thinking. I think plenty while I'm doing yoga (yeah, I know that means I'm not doing it right), riding the basement bike, or being bored by strength workouts (that is, when I actually do them).

So I adore that running is about just running. Running faster, better, farther. Pushing my physical achievements as far as I can, in the simplest of ways, and giving the analysis a break for a few minutes. I don't need it to be a means to mental awakening, just a regular old physical test, one that sometimes makes me proud in new ways because it's so very different from my daily self.

And maybe there's something awakening about that anyway.

the golden ticket

2010-04-22T07:33:00.001-05:00

Oh drat.

I have to rewrite my schedule for this week.

See, my evenings are going to include some gear that's been stashed away since August.

Let's see, one of these:

This:

A pair of these:

Oh, and definitely this:

Yep, I'm going to swim.

I'M GOING TO SWIM!

Now, here's where one might wonder, Is The Whiny Lady With No Pool Access finally just going to break into a gym? Who will take care of her kids when she gets arrested? Is one complicit in the burglary just by reading this?

Oh, but this is legit. I now have the little card that I've coveted for years...

The elusive pool pass.

Apparently, whining eventually pays off. Sunday, I found myself at a barbecue where I heard a certain family member tell another family member something to the effect of, Hey, do you have any use for a Y membership? I could get you one if you'd actually want it. Then the reply, Welllll, I don't really need a gym pass... And, after I picked up my jaw, I dropped my children and bumped my shameless self into to that conversation. I'd use it, me, me, pick me!

Two days later, I got back from my evening run to find that little card. It may be short-term, but...

It's shiny.

It has my name on it.

I'm irrationally excited about this.

Nepotism rules.

results!

2010-04-19T08:33:00.003-05:00

I have results!
A race report!

Honestly though, when I clicked on the race site to find my time (didn't think to check my own watch until I was driving home) my heart sank:

Distance: 10K

Chip Time: 50:07.5

Overall: 50th of 268

Age Group: 5th of 55

Oh, that 5 at the beginning hurts, hurts. It's way off what I set out to do. And I don't think I'm just being a pouter who didn't have reasonable expectations because I know I could do better than that. How do I know? I DID IT.

Weekly.

My Thursday tempo runs were faster than this pace, and often longer. This is nearly my long run pace. Aaargh. Moving on though...

Goal Review

"[1º] without injury reappearing, so I can continue training and go after more fun this summer" Check! This is REALLY exciting to me. Like, I keep uttering I can't believe my left leg doesn't hurt at random times.

"[icing on the cake] PR (not a big feat, as I've never done this distance before)"
Check! I have a number to chase and a course to try again next year if I so please.

"[super top secret goal] time xx:xx"
Not. even. close.

"[B time goal or 'watch time'] time 46:50"
Also not even close. This was a number I'd hit safely on my trainng runs and would have been content to get given the short-but-constant rolling hills of the race course. It was my hey, buck up, at least you can get a watch now, consolation prize.

Um, no watch for me yet.

Lessons Learned

:: There are different kinds of hills (yes, even in Kansas) and I should train on more of a variety.

:: Getting passed by a 12-year-old boy whose skateboard shoes went SMACK::SMACK::SMACK was about as defeating as it gets, but looping back and gliding by the awed 5K walkers toward the end kinda made up for it. Oh, and I passed little Mr. Smack-Shoes back, eventually – but seriously, those kids (there were 3 or 4 around that age and pace, just out for fun) were really cool.

:: I am stronger and more consistent than I gave myself credit for.

:: Someone who doesn't know a lick about pacing should probably not set out with the plan to "take it easy on the first half, then pick it up on the second." I think trying to be conservative put me way too slow, and then my "picked up pace" was only relative.

:: It would be useful to pay more attention to mile markers (didn't notice a single one until mile 5).

:: I had a lovely kick in the last 400 meters, just lovely. Clearly more of that loveliness should have been left out on the course, though.

:: I still need to work on running through discomfort! I could use a switch for my self-preservation traits. Race day = OFF.

:: Race morning schedule (-2 hours=awake/breakfast, -1:15=leave, -:45=arrive/park/bathroom break, -:20=warm up) and food choices (1/2 bagel+PB, few bites of banana, coffee, water) worked fine.

:: All results aside, just the Saturday morning NPR-listening, kid-free, 30-minute drive to the race was worth every penny of the entry fee.

:: I really loved getting out to race. I caught myself smiling unprompted (not characteristic!) all throughout the morning, before the race, during, after. It was great.

On to the next challenge! Time to ramp up the bike effort and (gasp!) get the bike outside.

quiet

2010-04-16T16:50:00.000-05:00

Today I toted the kids to a megachurch in the middle of McMansionville to pick up a race packet and drive the 10K course (you lie, google.maps! it's hilly!), but I still don't feel like I'm really running a race tomorrow. I haven't run a race in 2 years, and honestly, have never raced one at all. This is a weird feeling to be doing an event not because it's novel to go ___ miles for the first time, but instead to see what happens when I make an ordinary distance extraordinarily painful.

I've felt quiet this week. I'd like to say it's because I'm thoughtful and focused, but I've also been dismissive and self-deprecating. Pffft, no need to come see this silly race, it's just a 10K, out in the middle of nowhere, not at all convenient. I'll be done by breakfast time anyway.

Really though, I've eaten well, rested well, trained well. Perhaps most exciting: I've made it through an entire training regimen without aggravating my ITBS. I suspect my initial target time is out of my reach, but – as silly as I know it is to expect results that weren't indicated by training – really don't mind shooting for something a little unreasonable just to see what happens.

Above all, and no matter the outcome, I'm just excited that after a long time of thinking, planning, writing, training, talking...

I'm actually doing.

doh

2010-04-08T14:33:00.001-05:00

OK, I'm officially a flake.

I ran an entire wrong speed workout yesterday.

While I was out there I was thinking Man, I am freaking fit. This set is so much easier than the first time I did it a few weeks ago. I might actually like 400s. Let's throw in an extra one for good measure. Wow, that was a short workout, guess I'm just that good.

Mind you, none of my speed workouts (all 7 that I've done so far in my entire adult life) has had this sort of perkiness. Self-talk has been more of the this hurts, and wow, I suck at this variety.

Then, a whole 24 hours later, I nonchalantly checked the calendar to see what's up next week and realized... oof... I had skipped this week's schedule entirely and was halfway through next week. No big deal, right? Except next week is my 10K week, so the "speed" workout I did was actually just a taper-ish, turn the legs over a few times workout.

It was supposed to be easy.

Bubble: POP!

And who'll be out there this afternoon doing not-so-easy 1600 repeats?
This flake.

morning routine

2010-04-01T13:15:00.001-05:00

Sometime back in the dead of winter, I started setting my alarm to wake an hour-and-a-half before the kids and – even for me, the morning hater-est of all morning haters – it has been one of the best decisions I've made lately.

Though the alarm goes off way before I'd choose to wake, it somehow lucks out that this time is at a better spot in my sleep cycle so I actually get up earlier feeling more rested. I worry my alarm will wake the kids too, so no snooze-cruising (a bad, bad habit I'm happy to finally break). From there, the pace is just so much better. And I have a chance to go to the bathroom! Sometimes I have coffee ready (and all the cells of my being go yay!), others I still have to clean out the grounds from yesterday (boo!), then I tiptoe around while it brews, tidy the kitchen, and set out breakfast dishes.

I haven't figured out how to get in solid workouts (wake-up time for the kids isn't entirely predictable, and I want to be both nearby and very quiet) but I have managed to work some strength and yoga in on a few mornings, giving my day that accomplished head start. I'm content with this for now, as I know S's summer schedule change will let me run before dawn in search of the least-intolerable daily humidity.

Most days, I get a chance to sit, drink a cup of coffee, and eat a snack before the little ones wake. What a difference! I'm sure the kids are wondering where the ogre went, and gosh, why is mom so wound up in the mornings lately? I've thoroughly enjoyed plopping down in the chair-I-never-get-to-enjoy with the laptop or a book for a few minutes, even better than sleep, really (oh, and I'm sure it helps a little that I've gotten smarter about going to bed earlier too). As much as I enjoy that me-time though, one of the biggest perks is: if a kiddo wakes too early, I'm ready, instead of supremely disgruntled to have my sleep disturbed (seriously, I'm a foul, irrational beast first thing in the morning) and that certainly makes me feel like a better mom.

Today, for the first time, it was light out by the time coffee was ready, somewhat disorienting in a good way. "Breakfast rice" is simmering on the stove (every once in awhile I make rice pudding by cooking our leftover brown rice in coconut milk, cinnamon, vanilla, and it's one of Lola's favorite things... as long as I don't call it pudding). And it's warm enough outside that I opened the window – at 7AM! – to listen to the cardinals that used to annoy the hell out of me. A nice start...

food!

2010-03-30T08:28:00.002-05:00

It sort of freaked me out to recently find my weight has gone down without my intention. Going through pregnancy/childbirth taught me to be more aware of my body and, honestly, I thought I was a little smarter than that.

I know the problem is that I haven't changed my diet much over the past few months with my boost in training time. I feel like I snack pretty constantly, so to work on fueling my activity level better right now, I need to choose denser foods, especially more protein. Yesterday was a not-so-successful example of my new norm:

pre-breakfast:
tablespoon peanut butter
12 ounces water
cup of ~~liquid motivation~~ coffee

breakfast:
smoothie (lately = berries+yogurt+whey protein+spinach+flax+banana+OJ)
egg over easy

mid-morning snack:
2 big marshmallows
another cup of coffee
12 ounces water
another marshmallow

lunch:
bowl of carrot-ginger soup (+ protein powder)
1/2 cup chickpeas
1/2 ounce smoked black pepper cheddar
12 ounces water

afternoon snack:
almonds
12 ounces water
raisins
bowl of oat cereal + whole milk

dinner:
pasta (love that Barilla Plus)
walnut/spinach/parmesan pesto
sun-dried tomatoes
1/2 red pepper
2 slices bread
12 ounces water

dessert:
brownie
12 ounces water

The story on the marshmallows is: oh-my-cow-I-haven't-had-marshmallows-in-15-years-but-now-I-found-some-vegan-ones-at-Whole-Foods-and-my-life-is-complete-so-back-off-the-carton's-almost-empty-sugar-crash-looming-will-go-back-to-veggies-and-hummus-today

Seriously, I can tell just from typing that out that I do need to fix some things today (drink more water and sugar+coffee≠snack, idiot) and in general still need to get more protein in there (beans!) while dialing back the dairy. That afternoon grazing says "look who didn't eat a solid breakfast/lunch" but I didn't fix it with my piddly choices. Then I crammed a ton of walnuts into the pesto, but still ate the kids' dinner leftovers like a hyena, so clearly I should have included something more filling. No apologies for the brownie – quality of life, people, quality of life.

It sounds like I'm fretting, but really I love this stuff. I wonder sometimes whether I'd have enjoyed being a dietitian, but I know I'm a bit too hard-line in my views to win over the masses. Still, I will absolutely be that parent picketing my kids' grade school to improve their cafeteria lunches. My poor, poor kids and their crazy, crazy mom.

you're fast!

2010-03-24T11:53:00.001-05:00

I like to think of myself as a pretty intrinsically motivated person. Most of the things I want to achieve are tests of my own limits, numbers only I know. When I hit a goal, I'm giddy with myself and certainly like to chew on it for a bit, but often forget to share that pride with people around me. I'm awkwardly ungracious on the receiving end of complements, which I almost exclusively shrug off as insincere or placating. (oh, and I know this is all obnoxious, and I'm working on it :)

But you know, sometimes even the most self-deprecating of introverts gets reminded that complements are...

nice.

Running my speed workout yesterday, I was having a hard time. I was still holding a pace I've never sought for longer than I've ever held it, but there was a number in my head that I just couldn't catch. I had mapped a segment of flattish road for my "track" repeats and was running back and forth, passing the many other runners a couple of times each in all my craziness.

As an aside: if I, a completely antisocial jerkwad, running at a semi-painful pace, can manage at least a puny smile, head nod, or acknowledging wave every time I encounter another pedestrian, what sort of psychopath must a person be to not return the same civility?

On my third repeat I approached a certain jogger for the second time and as we nodded and headed our separate ways, she blurted, "YOU'RE FAST!" and I had just a second to sheepishly pant, "ha, thanks."

My first thoughts were: What a strange thing to say. Oh, she thinks I'm holding this pace for my whole run instead of just 5 minutes at at time! If I see her again I'll explain. Why did she say that? Is she mocking me? Did she just watch one of those "pay it forward" commercials selling insurance or investments? Am I her charity complement-recipient of the day?

I didn't believe her, but by the time I started my next interval, I figured it was time pick up the pace. Well, I suppose I'd better make it true. I still didn't hit the time that I'd planned from the comfort of the sofa, but it was 5 seconds faster than my other repeats, and I finished strong and happy. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a big window and – woah! – actually liked the posture I saw, at the end of a run, even!

Heading home on my cool down, I had hardly anything left, and was relieved that I'd finally put it all out there. Lately I've been feeling too good at the end of my workouts, leaving me to wonder what sort of mental block or pain fear is keeping me from really putting in the effort that I know I have in me. I'm new to speed and tempo workouts, and haven't quite gotten used to pushing out of my comfy gear. I know I still have another gear or two to find, but yesterday was the first speed workout that didn't leave me antsy to try again the next day – I was satisfied.

And that's how a strange little complement made my day.

shoo, winter

2010-03-22T08:46:00.001-05:00

For once, I actually enjoyed this past winter, even though it was the most weathery I've seen in this area. Sure, we got a little cabin fever, but the coziness of it all was... pleasant. Plus, I've decided running when no one else is willing to get out there is the easiest way to feel high and mighty without actually working harder.

Just this past weekend, the view had gone from sunny, crocus-spiked sprouting grass on Friday, to a cold, fat comforter of fresh snow and slush in time for my Saturday long run.

I charged out to check off the miles, just looking to get out there and work on endurance, with no concern for pace. Well, OK, I may have dawdled a bit getting ready (amazing how a few days of shorts weather makes one so quickly forget how to dress for cold), but eventually, I "charged" out there.

And I have to say, for a run filled with slick slush, soggy shoes, foggy glasses, non-yielding vehicles, un-cleared sidewalks, sleeting snowfall, steady wind, soaked gloves, crunchy frozen hair...

It was one of the best runs I've ever had.

As much as I'm craving the simplicity of just heading out without having to pile on the layers, as much as I need clear paths safe for better paces, and as much as I'm ready to get the jogging stroller back out to fit in more runs without relying on S's schedule, I thoroughly enjoyed having one last snowy adventure. The quiet was meditative, the snow was soft, the route enjoyable, I felt like I could run all day (I couldn't resist mapping my route after I came home and yeah, I sure as heck better be able to run all day at that pace!), my wardrobe/fuel choices were spot-on, and the weather was just the right level of distracting to unwind after a long week.

I suppose a whole season of practice means I finally got the whole icky-weather-running thing figured out.

But, Winter, let's quit while we're ahead, shall we? I'm more than happy to figure out how to run in warm temps again, thanks very much!

change

2010-03-19T19:35:00.000-05:00

Yuck, this has been a negative place lately.

A few months ago I made a big change in my attitude about making goals happen, but I still have a way to go getting my personality on board. I'm thinking happy thoughts, turning down the cynicism a notch, and working through obstacles, but my words are still negative, negative, negative. It's probably some sort of defense mechanism, or maybe just a bad habit, but it's not really me.

So, it's time to have what I put out there match what I'm really thinking. I'm not at all a fan of being falsely positive, always putting a rosy spin on things, or presenting a façade of life, but I do think I'd benefit from a little pep. I don't need any help seeing the problems with things, and I don't need to add to that by thinking up negative things to write down (save for the rare thing that is truly so annoying I need to vent semi-anonymously).

No more grumbling posts, at least for awhile. Promise.

2010-03-16T22:50:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it takes one of these subject-less posts to get the thoughts flowing again, so...

Running is going OK. "The injury" isn't 100% gone, but it isn't impeding my progress either. I really do feel like a runner, and that's just plain nice.

I haven't figured out pacing – at all – but it's actually kind of fun learning as I go. My kick-off of "speed" workouts has coincided with track season and, since I don't think the high school kids really want to share their lanes with me, I've hit the streets to approximate track work. I've been mapping out metered routes, sometimes doing 800m stretches over and over to be as precise as possible, others I run a route with just a couple of measured spots to test my pace (one in the middle, one at the end) and hope I manage to stay sort of consistent in between. I feel a bit psycho breathing hard and passing the same houses 6 times – though not as much a psycho as the lady who sits right up against her huge picture window staring out at her traffic-less street for at least an hour at a time.

I have swimming on the brain, and am working to get my upper body in shape. I doubt there's much I can do at home to make as huge a difference as getting in the water will, but it's comforting to me that at least my muscles will be capable of handling a little work. I guess I'm also hoping maybe I'll have the strength to stick to good form for longer bouts, rather than withering back to weak flailing after 50 meters.

That's about it on the training front.

One month until I get to finally put some results up.

get out of my head, Nike

2010-03-10T14:29:00.001-06:00

I like to think I'm above advertising gimmicks. You know, not only am I smarter than their sneaky little psychological trickery, but I'm smart enough to stop myself from thinking about their little subliminal devices, thereby not rewarding their stupid product with my attention. And I'm not thinking about not thinking about it, so take that, shallow ad industry!

Ooops, except for those Nike people who are somehow creepily, perfectly, honed in on exactly what I want to hear.

Ad after ad, my stupified reaction to their commercials is about the same as Dug from Up:

Hi there, my name is Jessica. I am a typical repressed, irrationally optimistic athlete who can be easily manipulated with inspirational imagery –– NIKE! –– Hi there...

So, as much as it pains me to admit being such a sucker, I have to confess that the darn song from their newest commercial makes a really, really great training soundtrack, great enough that I actually downloaded it. I'm so annoyed to like it so much that I can't even do them the service of posting the link here, but in case anyone lives under a rock, didn't watch the Olympics, and must know: it's the Human Chain ad, easy to find on the internets.

I want to hate that a corporation has me so figured out, but man, that song plus the images of Lance pedaling away at the end...

target audience right here, Nike. Right freakin' here.

buck up

2010-03-05T15:16:00.001-06:00

I'm a grump this week and tired of it.

Here are a few thing that I should be happy about:

:: My little Lola is not shy, not at all! I'm so relieved to see her gaining confidence that I actually love when she pushes social conventions a little – speaks before she's spoken to, charges up the ladder past a bossy kid trying to block her, stands to get a good look at an illustration during sit-down storytime – as long as it only takes one gentle reminder to follow the rules, of course.

:: I'm thinking maybe, just maybe I'm back to the point where I can honestly call myself a runner.

:: I've finally accepted that running, even just a couple miles, without my ID or phone isn't smart minimalism. Yesterday I ordered both a gel pouch belt and a new handheld bottle w/pocket so that I never have an excuse (hello, inadequate pockets in girl clothes) to keep from carrying the basics. I'm such a non-consumer that I'm super excited to get my nerdy little fanny pack.

:: I accidentally left a listing for a training book I like – one I've twice waited for on the library hold queue, checked out, read as much as possible, then returned begrudgingly just to go back on the months-long wait list – in our Amazon shopping cart even though I had no intention of actually buying it, and S went ahead and ordered it without saying a word. Very sweet.

:: I think we are officially geared up for camping with the two little ones this summer. I've always wanted to become a camping family and am really thrilled that this is the year to kick it off.

:: It may not be spring yet, but it's time enough for our warming-up ritual: the ordering of Lola's annual Keens. We joked when she was one that her Newport H2s were such perfect 3-season, any-purpose shoes that we might just get a new pair every year... and we really have. Hank is set with a full selection of rainbow hand-me-downs. Ahh, I love seeing the progression of those little shoes and the memories of each summer with a different color. Can't wait to see what the purple summer holds.

:: I can hardly believe it and am still afraid to say it, but my leg is feeling great. That means I have six weeks until my first race in years and NO excuses! And, I'm going to keep writing my training goals, especially the tough ones, on my hand in permanent ink.

for future reference...

2010-03-03T14:45:00.000-06:00

Let's say you have a rather ambitious speed workout on the schedule...

Then push it a little too close to your long run from last week since suddenly you feel like a normal person who isn't injured and can do things like that just because you feel like it...

And you just have no "go" for the day, none at all...

Which is an ordinary obstacle you haven't yet learned to work around...

So you miss your first interval...

Your second interval...

And your third interval...

Though you do hit the fourth one (by no coincidence the shortest distance) 'cause wow, it may only be 400 meters, but you're not walking back in the house without accomplishing something...

Say all that happens...

Next time, it might be nice if you don't write the intervals on your hand in permanent archival ink...

Because as much as you reason that you're better off for having tried...

And as much as you scrub that hand...

It's still a bitch to be reminded of the failed workout every few seconds for the next 48 hours.

(but oooh, up side: look at me, whining about something other than my IT band!)

first world problems

2010-03-01T14:37:00.002-06:00

I've made some progress feeling entitled to training time, but still have some hurdles thinking I deserve and/or need other things. My mind loves to get in my way.

It was no light decision for me to head to the chiropractor last week. The co-pays were enough, then there was the time away from home and the schedule disruption for S, all for an issue that is absolutely invisible to anyone around me.

Not long after I bounced into the waiting room, a man's name was called and he needed a good 30 seconds to find the will to slowly rise from his chair. I could see his pain and felt the memory in my back of having been there before. I suddenly became self-conscious lacking such an obvious ailment. Maybe I should jog back out the door, consider myself lucky to be able to do so, and shut up already about my leg.

Even in the exam room, I still felt silly to be there when my injury wasn't at its worst. It had sounded good on paper to get it addressed after my sickly time off and before it really flared up again, but once I got there and heard myself say, "it actually hasn't been that bad lately," I felt like a spoiled brat.

After the appointment, I was still doubting myself. Is this really a legitimate gripe? Oh, ouch, when I fuel up on organic fruit, drink my crystal clear tap water, put on fancy little engineered shoes, and run too far around my safe and clean neighborhood purely for recreation, my leg sorta hurts, whine, whine, whine.

So, after all that questioning, doubting, worrying, and guilt, did it turn out to be worth it?

Absolutely.

In the grand scheme of things, IT band syndrome may still be a piddly thing to consider a problem, but clearly it affects me, my daily activities, and my happiness. Two ART treatments in a week, and I not only feel better physically, but also have a new attitude about my ability to be healed. It's not that I think this was some magical treatment, but more that it gave me a sense of relief knowing that if I push it too far again, I can attack the problem, not tiptoe around it for a year.

And no more apologies for it.

Now, just need to tackle that dilemma of whether I deserve a new watch. Once again paralyzed by options, I have a new plan to put the problem aside for now and reward myself with a $30 watch if I meet my 10K goals next month. Oh yes, I can truly over-scrutinize anything.

Anything.

ART and my stupid IT band

2010-02-24T10:47:00.001-06:00

I'm a big fat liar.

A couple of months ago I said I was done talking about my ITBS, and I meant it. Problem is, ignoring it did not make it go away, so here I am again with that dreaded acronym. While I've figured out how to manage it and keep building miles – what some might consider all better – I just don't feel a healthy, agile 31-year-old should have to manage something long-term without a good solid reason. I learned in my early 20s to deal with my wonky spinal issues, but I'm just not ready to relent to my hip/leg yet. Plus, I'm confident I've fixed everything in my control (core strength, flexibility, running gait) and now just have some messed up muscles/tendons that won't let me totally get well.

So, after 13 months of being on and off the injured list, I finally broke my fix-it-yourself cheapskate streak and went to see a chiropractor for my IT band yesterday. What prompted the sudden change of heart? Three times in the past week I found myself making a comment to an injured person to the effect of: "don't be an idiot like I was, go see someone right away."

I considered seeing a physical therapist, massage therapist, or chiropractor, and had a hard time making up my mind. Our health insurance is OK and I think I might have found good help from any of those routes if I saw the right individual, but even the co-pay is a financial crunch for me, so I needed to make that $25 worthwhile and go with a safe bet, hence the trademarked ART. I found one practitioner in the area covered by my insurance, and lucked out with an appointment for the next day.

The appointment was 15 minutes, a quick consult, then procedures pretty much like the middle of this video, plus a few more positions and pressure points:

My review? Well, I expected it to hurt like crazy, but in most spots it felt more like a good stretch. I don't know if that's because I'm not having daily knee pain right now, because I have some sort of super duper spectacular pain-blocking skills, or because I'm on the slight side and the chiro was afraid to "break" me (a trend I noticed when first getting treated for the back stuff). I was warned I should be SORE today, and I'm still waiting for the 24-hour mark, but so far my leg just feels tight like I slightly overdid it yesterday with a long run.

I'm supposed to go back again tomorrow, but two co-pays in a week hurts the grocery budget and I haven't decided whether I should follow-up now, or save my limited chiropractic coverage in case I have a real flare-up. In the past few hours I've wondered whether I'm as injured as I thought, and well, yes I am. This is something that affects my quality of life and needs to be addressed. I'm just not convinced yet that this is the fix.

Man, I am such a skeptic.

randomness

2010-02-22T13:38:00.002-06:00

After feeling completely confused about why I felt so cruddy running when I thought my cold was gone, I took two more days off. I headed back out yesterday (in that sort of driving snow that makes me both glad I have eyelashes, and annoyed that I'm too lazy to find my low-light sunglass lenses) and felt great...

for the first half, at least!

I'll take it though. Having a halfway on-pace run is certainly better than being totally off.

In other news, I'm emerging from my "gee shucks, isn't winter just grand, I wish it would snow every day" attitude to be more like my usual winter self: "would this sh*t just stop falling from the sky to muck up my running surfaces!" I'm still enjoying the winter running, I just wish the roads could decide between snow-packed or dry, without that slush and ice middle ground.

It doesn't appear we're going to be seeing spring anytime soon in these here Midwestern parts, and I'm suddenly in a manic MUST GET OUT OF HOUSE mode. After spending a good month only leaving the house for groceries and running, touting the benefits of letting kids set their own relaxed at-home rhythm, I've suddenly got an overzealous mom calendar packed with library storytimes, free Gymboree play sessions, and a delayed x-mas gift of tumbling classes for Lola.

I've got 8 weeks until my 10K, which reminds me, I still haven't recorded why I ditched the half-marathon idea. Truth is, I've nearly forgotten at this point! Basically though, even if my leg had felt great, I didn't think it made sense to push my injury situation to the breaking point for a distance that isn't that meaningful to me right now in light of my multisport goals. I had thought it would be good to build my endurance at a hard effort for that amount of time, but it just wasn't worth messing up my preferred races. With discipline, I can get that level of effort spinning hard on the basement bike (there's just that discipline part).

So, with the 10K, I'm focusing on a distance I already know I can handle, just at a tougher pace, one that I think will be a little more relevant to the shorter runs in my duathlon and triathlon. If I'm still kicking at the end of summer, perhaps I'll pick a long-ish fall run to shoot for.

Honestly, I know I'm overthinking it all for just getting out there for the first time, but the more I get into this the more I realize I have no freakin' idea what I'm doing. It wasn't long ago that I thought coaches were such an extravagance, only for elite people who need to get an edge, but now I absolutely get what their fees are good for and why a beginner would need help. As much as I value being self-taught at anything, this is one area where I would gladly hand over all these decisions to someone who knows a damn thing!

Fluff and stuff

2010-02-19T08:33:00.001-06:00

I forget sometimes that reading about training does not make it so.

Coming off this cold or flu with only a few sniffles and hacks left, I decided I'd simply ease my little self back in over several days, then pick up regular training late next week. This leg of mine has me convinced that any time off needs to be met with a really careful return, so I figured I was being wisely conservative.

So, yesterday I crossed a tempo run off the schedule, and headed out for a 3-mile jog "just to wake the legs up." I warmed up with discipline at the slowest please-don't-pity-me pace I have, then went to pick it up for a bit... and there was nothing there. Nothing.

I slogged through a route that is the flattest possible loop around like I was climbing through marshmallow Fluff (so much yummier than snow). I reached my ordinary long run mile time still a good quarter mile from my first mile mark and at that point just pulled my sleeve over my watch.

I considered whether I should push back and fight this run for progress, but quickly decided this wasn't about fitness and I needed to listen to my body. Still, as I settled in for a leisurely jog, google-able questions ran through my head: how long should a cold affect training? do particular viruses linger even after symptoms clear up? is there any benefit to running when taxed like this? would a heart rate monitor take the guesswork out of this?

Surely I've read about other people feeling sluggish after being sick. I just need to get the laptop out and confirm...

But, by the end of those 3 miles I'd found the crux of it, that I need some experience of my own. I need to learn my response to things and just try some different approaches.

Only, trial and error is not in my nature. Last weekend S was trying to get me to settle on an item we needed to order and said, "at some point we're going to just have to buy one and try it." No. I don't accept that. That is a habit of someone who has a money tree and doesn't know how to use a computer. There is some tidbit of info in a review somewhere on the internet that will make this decision clear for me so we get it right the first time. I do not need trial and error because surely someone has already made the mistake for me and had the courtesy to record it.

OK, so I now see my approach to choosing a camping tarp is not so valid for running and training. I cannot let other people make my mistakes and expect to truly learn anything.

I thought I'd bounce back from this cold just like any regular bug and only had my IT band to worry about, but guess the ol' cardiovascular system had a little to say, too. Common sense tells me I haven't actually reverted in fitness and I won't have to work my way back down from a pace I haven't run since pregnant, but really, I don't actually know, do I? I'm just going to have to figure it out.

image

2010-02-17T10:46:00.001-06:00

I don't take a lot of photos of myself, so I just have to point out:

Shaun White...

has officially stolen my hair.

OK, so his is way better styled while mine is product-less and always, always in a ponytail. Celebrity or not, I suppose I should be a little worried that the boy version of my hair – the too cool to care, skater/snowboarder boy version, that is – is clearly more high-maintenance than mine.

Hey, at least this means the insanely rich and famous must also cut their own hair every couple months by flipping it over their heads in the shower, grabbing it all together, and cutting a big handful off the end. How interesting.

blech

2010-02-16T23:25:00.000-06:00

Oh wow, I am so bad at being sick.

I told S tonight that this was the first time I've ever had a virus that lingers like this one and he thought I was absolutely full of it. Really though, I have never understood people who go on for ages with cold symptoms and return to work still with the sniffles – I figured they were either a smidge past melodramatic, or lacking in the immune department and in desperate need of a big green smoothie. I've just always gotten sick for 24-48 hours max, then I'm completely over it and back to life as usual for another six months.

Not so much this week, and now I'm the melodramatic one. This is unpleasant! Insert whiny voice [here].

After three days feeling like a worthless lump, I decided yesterday I'd rejoin the living no matter how icktastic I felt. I made it through 30 minutes on the bike that made me think I was a capable human again, but drooped again a few minutes later and bagged my yoga plans. Today, I just had to get out of the house so I walked the half mile to return library books. It felt so great to be out, alone, in the fresh air that I just couldn't help but run home. As I got close to my street I even turned off for an extra loop, book bag still slung over my shoulder (add that to the other recent reasons my neighbors must think I'm so super cool: running home with doughnuts and crashing my bike in the front yard).

So, my throat is mad at me tonight, but that little mile run was inspiration to just quit resting already.

I'm charging ahead with training now and this cold is just going to have to move it.

the natural, part 1

2010-02-12T12:42:00.000-06:00

We're still sick, and apparently (even though my immune system has been a champ) it's my turn to be the puniest today. So, I'm snuggled on the couch while the kids nap/watch a movie, hoping a cup of coffee will trick me into feeling nimble. I've been off training all week, but have been thinking plenty...

One thing that's been on my mind lately is the assumption that people who are healthy or fast are just that way because it's easy for them. Specifically: good athletes are simply gifted, and people who eat well must just like the taste of healthy foods more than junk.

This has the potential to be super long, so first, a little background on the sports performance part:

I spent the first 30 years of my life thinking that people who are athletically successful are that way because it just comes naturally to them. Sure, there's hard work involved, but that's just to tweak their innate abilities in order to be competitive with all the other gifted ones, right?

So, I always ran 9-10-minute miles because that's what was easy for me. I figured those people running the same distance in less time were just able to go faster with the same amount of effort – lucky them. Their genetic gift of lithe legs, super lungs, perfect balance of muscle fibers, or abundant blood vessels made things easier for them.

It goes as far back as childhood, when I thought that because a few activities like school, art, and ballet were easy for me, that other things were harder because I didn't have the natural build or skills for them. Then, throughout my slow high school track stint, a few long marathons, and early attempts at half-assed triathlon training, it simply did not occur to me that other people might actually be working harder.

And so, for a very long time, if something wasn't easy I would quit.

Then, I got the idea that I really wanted to get into triathlon. It wasn't easy, and I kept trying to quit, but something about what the goal meant to me overrode my ordinary defeatist attitude and I kept the desire to make it happen...

someday.

So, a while ago when I started reading blogs, I first began to sense my entire way of thinking was flawed. Now that I could read so many firsthand accounts, I realized that what other people went through in training or racing did not even remotely match my experiences. When I read the book Talent is Overrated a year ago it finally clicked: while some may have a few advantages to start, successful people are not merely following the path of least resistance dictated by their blessed genes.

Natural talent or not, they are working for it.

Looking back to my childhood, I think being told I was "gifted" at certain things did me a significant disservice. I thought everything should seem so easy, and things that didn't, well, I just didn't have potential for them. Of course, I now realize that school didn't just happen to be easy, I actually read voraciously in my free time. Ballet was far from natural, I just loved it so much that the repetitive practice of movements was disguised as fun. Art wouldn't have seemed easy if I hadn't been one of those kids who drew everything in sight.

What a shame I didn't get that sooner.

Clearly this has meant a huge shift in the way I approach my goals. It sounds so cheesy, but lately I've been blown away by the results of letting go of the idea that my potential is limited. Oh, the time I have wasted thinking I just didn't have it in me.

And it's not just my results that have changed, but perhaps most importantly, my persistence. When something doesn't go my way I finally realize it's normal to work through obstacles, instead of thinking I'm better off cutting and running, diverting my efforts to something easier. Wow, it only took me 30 years to think like a grown-up.

So yeah, something has definitely clicked in the last year. And having this huge shift after so many years of being wrong helps me understand a little more why people make such odd comments about my eating habits. I've realized they don't get food the way I didn't get sport.

More on the food side of this later...

oh, hai...

2010-02-10T14:59:00.001-06:00

Greetings from our newest family member:

Meet Zippy the dwarf hamster, also known as "the secret reason I had kids.'' Yeah, yeah, yeah... I spent years lecturing people that pets are not presents, but my moral objections broke down at the last minute and my desire to surprise a sweet shy 4-year-old with her own sweet shy pet won out.

It's nice to have a cute little distraction, because there was a big family birthday party Sunday, and now everyone is either suffering through or in the warning stages of some sort of wholly unpleasant cold bug. Today is L's actual birthday, so I'm just trying to lay low and hold off the fever long enough to bake cupcakes.

Training is on hold, laundry is a mess, tissues are strewn about, but hey, at least the house is still decorated from the party three days ago...

big spender

2010-02-03T16:16:00.001-06:00

This triathlete-on-a-budget thing really isn't so tough. When I separate out what is truly necessary to swim/bike/run, it's not nearly as much stuff as one would believe. Though I wouldn't mind being able to afford year-round pool access, I have a bike and legs to run on, and there's not any one piece of equipment that prevents me from getting out there.

That said, I've spent a huge amount of money in the last few days relative to my ordinary $0 budget. Here's the tally:

:: bike helmet=$99 (marked down from $229!) ::

I love my 10+ year-old bike, but don't think a 10+ year-old helmet is such a good idea. I found a good deal on a Giro Ionos in an ugly color and I am about as excited as one could be to have quality skull protection.

:: running shoes=$44 (marked down from $119!) ::

I don't think it'll be long before I'm ready to give the near-barefoot running thing a go, as I'm already a mid/forefoot striker and find myself wanting less and less interference from my shoes as my form improves. But, I'm still running through snow and slush, don't have the confidence for Vibrams (yet), don't have the cash for $175 Newtons, and needed to get out of my Nimbus (Nimbi?) pronto. I settled on the New Balance 800s, a newer low-heel shoe designed for mid-foot strikers, already discontinued for durability problems. I'm not in love (too heavy, horrifyingly ugly) but I've run twice in them and had zero IT band tightness during or after running, so I already think I've gotten my $44 worth. I'll wear them out in a month or two tops, then make the switch to something even lighter and more minimal.

:: three race entries=$196 ::

a $30 10K (more on why that doesn't say "half marathon" soon), a $60 duathlon, and a $70 triathlon (plus two single-day USAT memberships and processing fees, adding $36 to the base entry fees – ick!). I cannot even begin to explain how excited I am to have these entries paid.

:: bike rack for car=$81 ::

We just spent a couple weeks seriously shopping to trade in our nimble (I first typed nimple, what an outstanding made-up word) GTI hatchback for something bigger. In the end, we realized what we were really looking for was impossible to find (we are too poor to be such bad, bad car snobs), and decided it made more sense to save most of the money that the trade would have required and use a little to make a few modifications to our car (which we both love) instead. We splurged on a Thule roof rack + cargo carrier that will allow us to fit camping gear this summer, and I added on a bike rack so I don't have to remove both wheels from my bike to haul it places anymore.

:: long-sleeved running shirt=$24 ::

I was halfway to Costco wearing my favorite half-zip Nike pullover when I noticed the smell of pee. Dog pee. I went down the list of what could possibly be in the car that would smell like that, and realized my pullover had been on the bottom shelf in the bedroom, the shelf where one of the dogs' paws sometimes land when he falls asleep on the dog bed in front of it. Hmmm, is it possible that very dog walked through a snowy pee puddle in his hurry back inside this morning before he marched back to the bedroom for a nap? DAMMIT! I still had two grocery stores left to hit after Costco. A sanitary person might have turned around, but not me! I continued on, shopped in my T-shirt (in 25º), bought myself my first new shirt in two years (figuring it might as well be something I can run in), and put it on like some kind of lunatic as soon as I got my receipt checked at the exit.

Oh, and totally unrelated to triathlon, don't these little preschool chairs just make you want to have a whole gaggle of kids and line them up in size order?

No? OK, me neither, but I am a sucker for tiny chairs, bright red, and things that cost less than $2, so these would not let me leave the thrift store without them. I exercised extreme restraint by only getting SIX of them.

Phew, I am done spending money for a LONG time, at least until summer pool memberships are due!

have you ever...

2010-01-30T17:40:00.000-06:00

Have you ever...

run 6 miles,

looped by the grocery store at the end, running right up to the front door,

slowed to a walk just long enough to cruise by the bakery case and head to the checkout line,

pulled your debit card from the pocket of your running tights,

swiped it in exchange for:

a dozen

glazey

frosty

sprinkly

chocolatey

d-o-u-g-h-n-u-t-s,

asked the customer service desk for a piece of tape to keep the box from flopping open,

tied the bag handles in a knot,

jogged the last 1/2-mile trying to look like a cool doofus-running-with-a-pastry-box,

and arrived at home still out of breath,

where you promptly plopped down at the table to enjoy the antithesis of health?

Doughnuts and running at the same time. A new Olympic event in irony?
Some may call an oxymoron, but I like to think of it as balance.

first tempo run ever...

2010-01-28T11:14:00.001-06:00

and I ~~nailed it!~~ attempted it.

OK, so I started this post early in the day, before my run – thinking that I'd have a little extra motivation to not come home and delete that "nailed it" part – which really was a great motivator, until I had what I'm calling my little malfunction. And, since I was prepared to write about how rockstar awesome my run was, I suppose I'd better be prepared to write about how rockstar awesome it indeed was not ;)

The good:

I got out there even though I wasn't confident my bum leg could handle it. One of my only rules of IT band recovery has been to never run two consecutive days, but, damn, I had to break that rule this week. I got over it though, and made sure day-1 run was early AM, and day-2 run late afternoon, and the time in the middle I treated my knee like it was thoroughly busted, staying diligent with the ice/heat/roller/ibuprofen/good-night's-sleep shebang that I too often shrug off.
My leg feels great today, so I now know I can handle a little more than I thought.
My form felt smooth, like all this attention I'm giving it is starting to sink in.
I got slammed with a cold late last night and am a sniffling mess today, so I'm happy that held off long enough to get this run in, and now I have two days to get well before my long run.
I discovered that I can hit the tempo time, something I wouldn't have guessed if I hadn't tried!

The bad:
There's just one thing, one leeetle thing...

I discovered that I can hit the tempo time, but it made me pee myself.

That's not hyperbole.
It's not a shock statement (well, it's shocking all right, just not intentionally so).
It's the honest truth (as opposed to the fake truth?)
Consider it my little gift to the world, a wow, I'm so glad I'm not her cringe-and-giggle moment.

Frankly, I thought it was freakin' hilarious and considered sticking it out – I was pretty incognito in my black tights, after all – but for fuck's sake, it was cool and windy. Cool and windy, people.

I was already doubting my IT band and probably only needed a little excuse to bag it, so when this rather significant excuse landed in my lap (ummm, like literally) 2 miles into my run, I guess I just didn't have it in me to run around for two more hard miles with wet pants. During a race, I think I'd get over it, but this was just a piddly (ha!) training run. I guess I'm just not that hardcore. Humbled? Check. And, can I just pause to say, oh my god, I can't believe I'm actually typing this out.

I rounded out my tempo mile to get an idea whether I would be able to hit the times next week (when, much older and wiser, I will be sure to have a very empty bladder, or at least keep wearing black tights ;), then cruised back home laughing at myself through an easy "cool down" mile that ended up just a few seconds off my tempo time.

Hmm, guess a hot shower and dry pants can be pretty motivating.

scaredy pants

2010-01-26T10:47:00.000-06:00

I'm all of one easy run into my half marathon training plan, and I have to admit...

I'm scared already.

Dealing with an injury for a year+ has now made me a horrendous worrier, and the fact that the ITBS is still there, well, it's making me worry. No pain, just a tightness that reminds me I'm still not the runner I was before. I've been ultra careful about adding miles, so I can't deny that my mindset is suddenly playing a bigger role here. It's not that I think the leg trouble is all in my head, just that it has a different significance now.

In the span of any hour, I'm back and forth between two camps:

1. STOP! The subtle tightness today is a warning that you're going to blow up 2 miles into your next run and come hobbling home with an aching knee, then start the full-on injured list mode again. Don't risk spending all summer doing nothing but yoga, strength work, and kick-less swimming. Scrap the half marathon, stick with current mileage and train for a fast 5K instead. Be conservative now to get to spring duathlon and summer triathlon feeling well.

2. GO FOR IT! These are just little growing pains, and they'll die down if you manage them right. You're spoiled by not having to deal with injuries in the past, just making excuses because the effort's going to get tougher. You already know the worst that could happen, so no big deal if it does. You can wait who-knows-how-long for your hip to fix itself (and still feel off for du and tri races), or work around it NOW and get the kinks out.

So, as of now, I'm still in camp #2. I have a few tricks up my sleeve to keep the ITBS at bay, and I can give the training plan 2-3 weeks before I have to decide whether to officially commit to the race or pick a new distance. Having the 5K idea as a back-up plan takes a little pressure off, and may be the trick to turning off my doubtful mind so I can just keep training as planned. Worries or not, I'm still super excited.

a nice surprise

2010-01-23T21:09:00.000-06:00

I'm sure this doesn't happen very often, but I discovered today that I'm running a lot faster than I thought – more than a minute per mile. Easiest overnight progress ever!

Actually, I figure this has been a gradual process, just one to which I haven't paid any attention. Part of my not-so-scientific injury recovery plan was to completely ignore distance, time, perceived exertion – running purely by the feel of my leg – and I've been pretty disciplined about that, avoiding paths I knew too well, intentionally mixing up my old mile markers. I'd almost forgotten that people pay attention to pace at all. I haven't felt fast lately, and just assumed I'd be lucky to be near where I was in the summer when I last had a span of ouch-free run time.

I spent this morning arbitrarily narrowing my half-marathon goals (last race time = ummmmm?) and as I entered the plan in my calendar I had NO idea if I was in range to hit the times. Ignorance is bliss though, right?

So, I set out today on a little get-my-head-outta-my-ass 5K run, my first timed run in, sheesh, six months or so, just to get an idea of what my base pace is and whether I'd need to come home and set more humble goals, and...

practically skipped home after seeing my "easy" time – faster than any 5K I've ever raced!

So, if you want to see drastic progress, just don't measure it for half a year!

inconvenient

2010-01-21T20:41:00.002-06:00

Last night, I ended up doing my run at dusk, and I started off in a foul mood.

I'm flustered to have my only real plan for the day ( = run) pushed back again.

I don't like to be in the roads when every last yahoo is hurrying home from work.

Half-darkness makes it hard to spot the icy patches and clear the snow dunes gracefully.

50% of the sidewalks that have thawed are covered in sweetgum seed pods that might as well be marbles.

My kiddos are crazy with cabin fever and just ready to get the dinner/bedtime routine done.

I'm not exactly a quick cook, and have plenty to do to get dinner on the table.

etc.

But it was my one chance for the day, a tight window of 45 minutes before our dinnertime. So I tossed some brown rice in the rice cooker, handed off the kids, and hurried out.

About halfway through my run, I still felt like I didn't belong out there. It didn't help when started to realize I was smelling the dinner cooking in nearly every house I passed – something I experience all the time in the summer, but I'm rarely out in winter darkness and it felt like the cold air carried every scent so clearly. Pork-something-or-other, pizza, Chinese-who-knows-what, mmmm, garlic and baking bread, yep, I'll take that one.

My first thought was, crap, I could be home getting dinner ready, feeling like I wasn't getting anything done. Silly me, out jogging around the neighborhood when there are things to do at home.   Aaagh, I have 20 minutes left to stress about what I need to do.

Pretty quickly though, it clicked, I could be home getting dinner ready... juuuust like every other night.  And I still have 20 minutes of getting to not worry about it.

So, against my personality, I stayed out there for every minute I'd planned – cooled down, even. When I got home, S had the broccoli ready to steam and had preheated the oven for my baked tofu (OK, so he'd really heated it for a tray of chocolate chip cookies, but I'll give him the points anyway).   Dinner got done.   We ate. We went to bed. We got up today and started it over. And the fact that I went running right before dinner is now only a memory that I went running.

Spring/Summer 2010 goals

2010-01-15T12:34:00.002-06:00

If I have to write it out (and publish it before I have a chance to reconsider) in order to make it happen, here goes:

Immediate (by February 13): build up running mileage to 20 miles/week in order to start half marathon training

[1º] without ITB injury reappearing
[icing on the cake] doing it at a decent pace, too

cost: free

Soon (April 10): Olathe half marathon

[1º] again, without injury reappearing, so I can continue training and go after more fun this summer
[icing on the cake] PR (not a big feat, as I've only jogged one other half for fun, and couldn't even guess the time within an hour)
[super top secret goal] time x:xx

cost: free (trading volunteer services for race entry)

A little less soon (May 16): Heritage Park duathlon 2 mile run, 11.5 mile bike, 3 mile run

[1º] complete a multisport event
[2º] gain some positive experience with bike handling in a race
[icing on the cake] don't completely suck at it

cost: $60

All summer (starting May 29 when pools open): SWIM every possible opportunity

[1º] take full advantage of limited pool access, at least 3 days every week
[2º] don't let crowds dissuade me (getting stubborn people to share their lanes was an obstacle last year)
[3º] do the silly drills to improve efficiency before distance
[super top secret goal] get 100 time down to x:xx

cost: ~$150 for family pool membership, but it's clearly a multipurpose purchase

Main goal (July 10): SM Park triathlon 1000 meter swim, 18 mile bike, 4.5 mile run

[1º] just get it done and get over that stupid mental hurdle I have about being too poor/slow/injured/poor/shy/poor to do triathlons
[2º] enjoy it
[icing on the cake] don't completely suck at it

cost: $70

Long-Term:

gain confidence
learn enough to set time goals next year and decide on a realistic timeframe to shoot for a half-iron event
stay uninjured so that I can consider a fall run (marathon?) or maybe even another late-season triathlon.

OK, so the breakdown: I see so many training/racing plans where people just nonchalantly rattle off a ton of incredible goals, so I know this little list isn't all that earth-shattering. But see, I have to admit I got all sweaty-tense just typing this out. This is big stuff for me – not as much physically, as mentally – to officially put it out there that I'm not going to let what's sensible interfere with my goals this year. Sure, it doesn't make a lot of sense to be spending any money on events right now, but I'll just have to figure out a way around that.

I'm reasonable to the point that it's a hindrance, so this is my year to find my inner idiot, the one who doesn't rule things out just because they're a little irrational.

sugar update

2010-01-14T11:50:00.000-06:00

I mentioned awhile back that I needed a sugar-free fast, so here's the wrap-up:

I stuck to it for a couple months until I fell off the wagon around Halloween (I share equal responsibility with those darn mini peppermint patties), then cruised through the holidays enjoying sensible treats here and there.

The regular old span of
1. strictness
2. overindulgence
3. balance
has run its course, and I'm feeling good about how sugar and I are getting along now.

While I don't think it's a healthy approach to try to eliminate sugar always, forever, and absolutely, I still think it was important to ban it at first so that I was forced to come up with alternatives. I knew that by being rigid I was going to eventually cave – no surprise there. I stuck with it long enough to develop good habits to fall back on, and that's where things sit.

We eat pretty simply, don't drink soda, and I make nearly all of our food from scratch, so there isn't sugar lurking in our pantry other than our sandwich bread (I've tried baking my own, but still can't come up with a 100% whole wheat recipe that works for all of us, so I'll trade a little sugar for whole grain right now) and a few condiments in the fridge like barbecue sauce and chocolate syrup. I've been mixing blackstrap molasses with our morning oats lately, and while I know it's still technically sugar (processed, at that) the iron it provides is hard to beat.

When we do have refined sugar, we don't fool around, and I think that's the way to go. Good chocolate chip cookies are a quality-of-life thing that we must have once a month, but I put the dough in the fridge to rest (since it only gets better) until we want cookies enough to heat up the oven and wait 10 minutes, rather than just leaving a trough of them on the counter to inhale willy-nilly. I'm not sure why we don't chow down on the dough, so shhhhh, don't tell anyone here that that's an option.

For now, I only need to drink water for my workouts, but as both my mileage and the temperatures move up this Spring, I'll probably start experimenting to find the least-gunky electrolyte source for me. Bananas are my favorite pre-workout fuel, and I'm fretting about what I'll do when I can no longer ignore the vile human rights and environmental infractions of the banana industry (seriously, why does everything have to be so difficult?). Other than that, I eat a lot of fruit, and a naturally-sweetened vanilla yogurt works for the daily sweet tooth.

And that's that – I did what I set out to do, which was to break the sugar habit and convince my system that I just don't need it. Sure, the strict no-sugar life is indeed a bummer, but a low-sugar approach feels just right. I like the balance of not having the sugar spikes on a daily basis, but still enjoying a treat once or twice a week, and I see that continuing long-term.

note to self

2010-01-11T10:57:00.000-06:00

20º is a shocking treat after running in 5º for a couple of weeks.

Whether your weather extreme is -7º or 107º, get out in it, suffer a little, and redefine your limits.

It is so worth it.

how to stay warm

2010-01-09T11:07:00.002-06:00

Apparently I came home from my run yesterday and just melted into a pile that has remained on the bedroom floor, so I thought I'd share what was in that pile...

Behold, a constantly-cold person's wardrobe for running in 5º:

Yes, this is an entire three-season wardrobe, and yes, I wore all of this at one time.

Layers go from left to right (if I mention the brand, it's a product I really like):

base = ultra light technical tee, Brooks running tights, and my very-most-favoritest-in-all-the-world SmartWool micro running socks

middle = supposedly breathable (but not) mock turtleneck, Nike running pants (the kind that are baggy in the hips, tapered at the ankle, you know, the most unflattering garment in all the world), husband's Thorlo hiking socks

outer = homemade neckwarmer (a loop of stretch jersey) that I pulled up over my chin, Jytte hat, Smith sunglasses (a bit silly because it wasn't bright, but I was too lazy to find the orange lenses and needed some eye protection from the wind), Patagonia jacket (not sure of modern equivalent, but it's a lightly lined windbreaker with zippable side vents, cinches around hips to keep air out, expensive but totally worth it), cheesy $2 acrylic gloves that have been super useful, nubby trail shoes, and Neutrogena fishermen's hand cream on hands and lips (I love this stuff, but would prefer to find a more natural product).

not shown: sports bra (duh), cell phone in case I wiped out, and husband's watch, strapped over the jacket sleeve, of course.

Except for the gloves, hand cream, and neckwarmer, every item is over seven years old and I expect everything other than the socks will last another seven.

Phew, that's a lot of clothes.

more than anyone needs to know

2010-01-07T15:08:00.000-06:00

Monica tagged me to tell seven things about myself, and since I'm looking for something to help put off climbing back up in the attic to move an electrical box, I'll give it a go:

1. I am chronically late for everything (except delivering babies). I've read that this is either due to supreme arrogance – others can wait for ME – or severe lack of self-esteem – my presence isn't that important – and wow, if those aren't two great options.

2. While I may be the last holdout to avoid joining Facebook, I am completely hooked on my Google Reader. My folders:
creative
triathlon/running
food
craigslist (did you know you can just subscribe to search criteria and have the feed sent to you?)
home

If those folders don't sum me up, I don't know what does.

3. I freakin' LOVE taking tests – the more absurdly standardized, the better.

4. I'm a non-conformist, a pacifist, as liberal as they come, married to an Army vet who's now a police officer (and I couldn't be more proud). Go figure.

5. I am neurotic about spelling and grammar.

6. I'm the oldest of six kids, but my "little" siblings are all significantly taller than I (and no, my parents weren't Catholic or Mormon, just their own unique kind of insane).

7. My previous career was in the animal rescue field, managing various programs for low- or no-kill animal shelters. Name a task that involves the care, training, birth, death, adoption, surrender, funding, marketing, or housing of animals, and I've probably done it. Directly related: name a type of crazy person, and I've dealt with 'em.

Now, I'm supposed to name seven people to do this, but since I figure all of six people might actually read this, if you are still reading at this point...

TAG!

resolutions '10

2010-01-05T12:11:00.002-06:00

Yep, I'm running late – what else is new.

I'm still torn on whether I'm a resolutionist or not. On one hand, I think it's silly to put off goals until the new year nags us that time's ticking by. And why resolve to do it when you can just do it, you know? On the other hand though, I can't deny the appeal in starting a sparkly fresh year with plans to make it the best yet.

So, I'll leave my athletic goals out (they're already in the works, anyway) and focus on a few piddly things that might de-clutter my mind:

:: Cleaning :: I wouldn't say I'm a neat freak, but I cannot handle chaos. When key areas of the house are a mess, I can't get anything else done or start anything bigger. So, I'm resolving to stick to more regular little cleaning breaks throughout the day (15 before lunch, 15 after dinner, 15 before bed) to keep things manageable, and free up my mind to tackle bigger projects once a week.

:: Home :: We've been here 3+ years, so I think it's time to really make this house ours. The problem with always having something like the entire kitchen or floors in the works is that I still haven't done the simple things like hanging art or thinking about how spaces really work for us. I'll work on one room a month – this month is the living room. So far, I've ripped out an ugly ceiling fan, moved a shelf, switched end tables around, and am helping S make a cubby in the wall to keep fireplace tools out of Hank's reach.

:: Water :: I know it's the norm for parenting to interfere with things like showering or sleeping, but I've let it get in the way of drinking water. While Lola learned to leave my water alone, Hank is hell bent on spilling everything and disassembles his own "spill-proof" cups. I had to keep my water up high, and sometimes made it all the way to dinner before I finished 16 ounces. Headaches made me realize this was one stupid mommy sacrifice. Santa splurged on new Hank-resistant water bottles for all, and I'm feeling better already.

:: Plastic :: As in, no more plastic. Hank's bottles are glass, and Lola uses mostly "grown-up" dishes, but we still had the obligatory cabinet-overflowing-with-plastic-storage-containers for leftovers. I've wanted some glass containers from Crate and Barrel for a couple of years but didn't have the cash. I finally just picked up a couple dozen pint and half-pint wide mouth mason jars at the grocery store, and recycled all but the nicer Tupperware containers we had left.

So, there are my little resolutions. Cruising right along so far.

zooooooooom

2009-12-29T16:00:00.001-06:00

the minimalist tree:

though I'm no minimalist when it comes to stuffing stockings:

checking to see if we have a new girl brachiosaurus or boy brachiosaurus:

one tired mommy and the happiest baby on the block:

...and there went December.

Wow, I know I'm probably the last to say it, but that was a crazy couple of weeks. By the time x-mas morning rolled around I was ready to crash from all the prep work (as fun as it is, it's hard to be Santa), while everyone else was just winding up. Here it is in numbers:

Get-togethers to attend: Six.

Inches of snow: 8-10 (and a couple more tonight, apparently)

Times we had to switch child seats between our modern (but low to the ground and 2WD) family car to S's relic of an SUV just to venture past our own snowy street: 2 – not a fun task in 10º

Times said relic vehicle (a mid-80s Land Cruiser with, oh, a couple hundred thousand miles) started on demand with the family all loaded up: 6 for 6, much to my surprise.

Gifts made: Oh jeez, I've lost count... 2 batches of dog biscuits, 12 cat toys, 2 rather detailed bird softies (Mr. and Mrs. Cardinal, to be exact) for Lola, 1 twirly dinosaur skirt for Lola, 1 pillow for Hank, 12 jars of apple butter, 7 loaves of challah, 8 bags of sparkling cranberries, 7 canvas lunch bags, 7 bread bags, 1 birthday dinner of veggie sushi and dumplings... I feel like I'm forgetting something, which probably means it wasn't a great gift anyway.

Number of Barbie dolls that have already been thrown away: 1 (though I was pleased Lola at least named her Ginormica, since she was SO TALL)

Daily coffee habit: ≥4 cups (this has to stop)

Hours spent working out: a big fat Z E R O.

So, to sum up, I am way out of balance right now. I spent all my energy (mental and physical) trying to please others, but didn't make any time for myself. When will I learn?

Sure, I'm proud I made shockingly presentable gifts out of essentially flour, apples, and things around the house. I'm glad I made sure to have something for everyone we saw since some unexpected family members ended up being super generous to our kids. I'm most happy my kiddos had a fun holiday.

At the same time though, I know I could have managed my time better in order to actually enjoy the holidays more and come out on the other end feeling like myself. I've got to remember this next year. Got to.

ho-hum

2009-12-16T14:58:00.000-06:00

I've been putting off posting much for a few days because I've been in a funk this week. But, since the fog isn't lifting as quickly as I'd like, I'll just rattle on...

Christmas, ahhh, Christmas...

I adore this holiday, as ironic as that is (or isn't?) since I'm not even Christian. I was raised in a pretty ordinary (i.e. casually religious) midwestern home though, so I've gradually come to terms with embracing the family traditions that mean so much to me, regardless of their cultural origins.
We have a tree up, a few strands of lights outside (the husband won out this year and convinced me to replace my favorite all-white simplicity with bright blue, but it's in honor of fallen police officers so I won't gripe), and are cruising through daily goodies, projects, and tiny acts of charity via our advent calendar.
We actually entertained the possibility of skipping gifts altogether this year due to an empty checking account, but ended up stealing from our emergency savings to get the kids each one fun gift (a balance bike for Lola and a wheely bug for Hank), one useful gift (boots for Lola, shirts for Hank), and a couple of stocking stuffers (a memory game worthy of framing, new water bottles, and a couple of new Schleich animals for the growing menagerie). Most other family members will get baked goods or other handmade stuff, and while I'm getting to be a pretty superterrific maker-of-things, it's taking some effort to not feel self-conscious about being so cheap.

The brave kid...

We are a shy people, Lola and I. It is no question that the bashful apple doesn't fall far from the timid tree with us. So, imagine my wonderment and pride when Lola marched in to her first dental check-up, told me she didn't need me to go back with her for her teeth cleaning, and then answered the hygienist's questions politely and clearly. Another 3-year-old was dragged, absolutely bawling, to the chair next to her and I was both surprised and thoroughly gratified to not have to be that parent. Instead, the dentist rushed through our exam, and told me he wanted to get us out of there before my "brave kid realized other kids weren't all so tough." Wait, what?

Exercisin'...

Running is feeling good, but I'm not making fast progress. This is the part of recovering where it's hard to be inspired to do what seem like pathetically useless workouts, but it's so insanely important to get out there every other day. I skipped Monday's run for some dumb reason, and don't feel particularly happy about that right now, but it's just stupid to dwell on that.
That no-shoes-for-indoor-workouts idea is still fascinating me. I did an entire high-impact plyometrics workout barefoot the other day and was still surprised how much more I had to work to keep my balance. Training all those weird little stabilizing muscles has got to be good for something.
I miss the pool right now. Really, really, really miss it.

cheap running analysis

2009-12-11T20:42:00.001-06:00

Our recent snow has mostly melted or been trampled down to isolated icy patches now, but I was reminded the other day that there's something very informative about running an out-and-back route in fresh snow.

I headed out on a short, easy run, still carefully building up to continuous running without starting the injury cycle again, and knowing that the slick conditions would have me all tensed up. Not long after I turned at my halfway point, I started to notice I was running back over just two sets of footprints. One set was nice and parallel and normal, but the other feet were turned out, not just a little, but like 30-degrees out. Guess which footprints were my own?

Crap.

I worked so hard to fix my form for good last year – shortened up my stride, focused on my footfall, tried to get in better alignment and keep each leg moving along one plane – and thought I was past having to think about every single step, but apparently just the distraction of winter weather is enough to plop right back into my old habits. That's me, feet out like a ballerina penguin.

The nice thing about this (frustrating) revelation? Free. Didn't cost a penny. I didn't even have to drive to a running store. All I had to do was pay attention to my own footprints on a day when my eyes were glued to the ground anyway.

And you'd better believe those footprints on the way back were nice and straight.

gasp

2009-12-10T13:47:00.001-06:00

I knew Hank was going to give us a run for our money, I just didn't think he'd be off to such an early start. I figured we'd probably have an ER visit or two before sending him off to college, but surely he couldn't get too scuffed up before even getting fully mobile. I mean, the little guy's just barely walking for a few days, right?

Um, guess I need to stop assuming things.

Exhibit A:

That's a tooth...

a healthy, sweet, tiny, perfect baby tooth...

that was in Hank's adorable little smile just yesterday...

and now...

isn't.

Turns out he's fine, just slipped in front of the window (where he stands every day watching for dogs and squirrels) and caught only that one top tooth on the windowsill on his way down. He plopped down super angry and the tooth landed *plink* right next to him.

We called the Dr., gave him Motrin, and within an hour he was back to his chipper self, playing through dinner (ice cream and mashed potatoes) and hamming it up like nothing had happened. This morning I took him in to the dentist expecting to kick off a long chain of procedures like x-rays and space maintainers just to find out that it was a clean break and they shouldn't have to do anything at all. He'll just have a big gap in his smile until the permanent tooth comes in, which may, ironically, be delayed a few years because of the gap.

Whew.

I should be relieved, and I really am, it's just that this little experience (and I know that in the grand scheme of things, knocking out a tooth is indeed little) has given me an ominous reminder of how quickly things can turn scary. After the kids went to bed last night S and I sat on the couch and tried to reassure ourselves about a silly tooth by rattling off all the things that would have been worse – a broken nose, a head injury, a split lip, an eye injury, a broken jaw – but as I tried to go to bed later, all I could think about was how easily it could have been something worse.

In trying to find a silver lining, I am at least glad I was right there, three feet away, fully present (to fail at protecting him, but present nonetheless). I had just gotten home from my run, and I know if it had happened while I was gone I would be thinking 1. it wouldn't have happened if I'd been here, and 2. I'm never going for a run again. So, at least I know for sure I couldn't have stopped it.

I'm mainly thinking of this as a dress rehearsal for what's sure to be a childhood of tumbles for this plucky little guy. My grandma was a figure skater and regularly chimed, "if you don't fall, you're not trying hard enough," which always seemed pretty wise, until I became a parent. For now, I think I'd be OK with him trying just a little less, maybe?

ugly shoe time

2009-12-09T11:55:00.000-06:00

Time to break out the homely trail shoes...

because today, I'll be running in this...

OK, so it will probably just be grey slush and icy patches by the time I get out this afternoon, but still... it's SNOW! And I'm actually happy about it!

I am a total summer bum at heart, but as long as it's going to be cold, it might as well be entertaining. Plus, we've been in this no-man's-land of seasons, cold for a day or two at a time, then warming up to 60 (!) every few days, just enough to remind us how much it sucked to be cold and fool us into thinking we'll continue getting that regular warm weekend reprieve. Enough teasing already: it's time to just commit to the cold and settle into winter habits.

So goodbye to boring dry pavement,

and hello to black ice!

back at it

2009-12-08T16:26:00.001-06:00

So, I guess I'm back to running, or more accurately, the now familiar short-bursts-of-running-with-frequent-walking-and-no-downhills. It's not glamorous, but it's something. If I've learned anything this year, it's that patience, ridiculously long warm-ups, alternating days, and walk breaks help me handle the ITBS enough to maintain some sort of running habit.

I want to be 100%, but I've taken enough breaks to try to fix things myself to see that there's nothing more I can do without professional intervention. So, I've given up my search to find the real root of this injury for now, and accepted that I'm going to have to act like a regular person and simply treat the symptoms with a band-aid. Specifically, I'm using my roller before and after running just to keep that IT band bendy and non-spasmy (those are fancy medical terms, you know).

Rolling before seems to be my most beneficial trick, and the one that makes me feel the most like a cheater. I know there's some sort of holistic explanation for why my knee ends up hurting, something I should address with alternative therapy or the right core strength exercises or wardrobe choices or better nutrition (kidding, mostly), but right now I just need to stop thinking and run. Umm, run cautiously, that is.

And that, for once and for all, is the last I'm going to say about my lame iliotibial band.

time to get serious

2009-12-02T10:37:00.001-06:00

So, that November goal to post daily was humbling, but totally worthwhile. Sure, I didn't come anywhere close to writing every day, but I still more than quadrupled my typical output (!). It was a change to be more aware of what I was doing throughout the day, think more about what I was doing to achieve goals, or take stock of how I was really feeling. Even when I didn't end up writing anything, I felt more engaged, more on top of things.

But, in order to just keep thinking, I gave myself permission write about anything, not just training or triathlon goals. And what do you know? I ended up posting about anything but training, oops. Time to get back on track, because December is already kicking into gear, with the first of what's sure to be many late-night holiday making things frenzies already taking place...

Yeah, I made a holiday countdown tree (my as-secular-as-possible version of an advent calendar) out of electrical tape and graph paper and immediately thought whoa, I need to put this one my blog. Seriously? Is this that what my triathlon blog has come to? No, I need to get my ass down to that snazzy basement and work out more. (sidenote: if you haven't fixed up your indoor workout space, be it yoga spot, weight corner, treadmill, or bike trainer... DO IT! I can't get over what a pick-me-up it is to have planned my space with a few little details that make my efforts feel like more of a priority)

Actually, I've been using the bike plenty and am really encouraged that I'm getting through workouts without knee trouble. I can still feel the underlying ITBS woes (tightness, knots), but no pain flare-ups so far, and I'm feeling more myself, running up the stairs, darting to the bedroom to grab a clean diaper, jumping around with the kids. It's time to start my half marathon training, so I'm moving ahead come hell or high water now. If it comes down to it, I'll sub bike workouts while I fix the running kinks and solve the new shoe dilemma.

one year

2009-11-30T15:17:00.000-06:00

There is nothing more perfect than a kid and his first birthday cake...

He was so bewildered to have been given a tiny-to-us-but-huge-to-him cake of his very own – not just one bite at a time, not on a fork held by a grow-up, not even cut into pieces – just... there.

There were many minutes of tentative little frosting pinches while he looked up frequently and waited to be stopped. Eventually he figured out that the gawking crowd was actually encouraging, got a whole happy squishy handful, and in a blink, the cake was a crumbly mess spread out to cover a surprising amount of surface area.

Ahhh, a whole year, and only a year. I can remember more details of a year ago today than I can remember about just this morning. But at the same time, there's a blanket feeling that he's just always been here. He is so warm (in temperament and temperature), persistent, silly, and sociable. More like his Papa than I ever could have imagined, and such a perfect foil to his big sister (who remains almost as completely smitten with him as she was 365 days ago).

Life feels completely settled. We're all sleeping well now, so naturally, all must be right with the world. Our daily routine, though it evolves a little each month, is comfortingly stable. It feels like we've gotten through that first year of baby focus, and now are hitting our stride as a family of four, rather than three people who orbit around a little guy (as endearing as he may be).

I'm glad I've been able to be home for this entire first year, and extra happy to see that this sometimes ridiculous abundance of mommy-time has not created a clingy baby, but instead a confident, gregarious one.

Happy Birthday Hankers!

you know you're old when...

2009-11-28T09:13:00.001-06:00

You know you're old when you injure your knee – the one you've been calling your "good knee" – bouncing on the bed with a three-year-old.

You've GOT to be kidding me.

Actually, I think I'll survive. The pain is sharp, but it only hurts when I completely straighten it, and it has faded a little each day. No excuse not to work out, since the whole range of motion of biking or running doesn't really include straight legs. Oh, and the bouncing around fun was totally worth it.

This is just a little ridiculous though. Bouncing on the bed? Really? Never mind the fact that using the phrase "my good knee" should alone have qualified me for the senior discount, now I'm falling apart without even leaving the house.

I guess I'd better watch out while vacuuming today, wouldn't want to throw a hip out.

two-a-day

2009-11-24T15:32:00.000-06:00

Two posts a day, that is...

I couldn't stand leaving that whiny post up there on top.

At the risk of sounding bipolar... sometimes when I'm feeling overwhelmed I have to do something stupid (like whine about it) before I remember that I only have to be as stressed as I let myself get. I've since tackled the dishes, vacuumed, done a fair amount of laundry, and built a super duper rainy-day-tent near our big front window where I told random silly stories to Lola while Hank laughed at nothing and everything.

Now, I just had a few minutes to drink a treat cup of coffee (which means I took a second to add a little cream and cinnamon, instead of chugging it for caffeine's sake).
And an extra treat... I even think I have enough time to work out before naps are over.

Maybe it's the coffee talking, but really, I do not have it rough.

pause

2009-11-24T11:00:00.000-06:00

After feeling productive last week, I guess I relaxed and rode that wave of satisfaction a little too far. Now I'm back on the other end of the spectrum, scrambling to get things together.

It's suddenly one of those weeks when I just want to hit a pause button that makes everyone around me freeze while I just. get. caught. up. already.

Wouldn't that be dreamy? The week just stands still while I buzz around cleaning the kitchen, sorting laundry, packing away warm-weather clothes, making Thanksgiving goodies (a mushroom-gruyère gratin and many tiny pumpkin pies), getting in a complete workout, preparing for Hank's birthday, finding a way to create holiday gifts, raking the yard again, cleaning the gutters, vacuuming, making stockings, putting away baby furniture Hank has outgrown...

Yep, I need that pause button.

a luxuriously adequate bike trainer set-up

2009-11-21T23:37:00.007-06:00

I said I'd get it done this week, and I did!

I carved a space out of clutter to create a more pleasant winter home for my bike trainer.

BEFORE...

AFTER...

OK, so there are actually still some random boxes cropped out on the left, but I'm pretty damn pleased with the amount of stuff I managed to relocate in an organized way without being able to buy shelves or storage containers (the excuse I had for putting this off all this time).

I was initially just hoping to make a little nook for my bike, but ended up clearing enough stuff to spread out the weights and make a practical little changing spot in the corner. And the real kicker? I didn't spend a ton of time on it.

I was so excited to use the space that I did an extra little spin this evening just to break it in. I wouldn't say I ever skipped a bike workout simply because the previous trainer corner was depressing (there's got to be a psychological training advantage to staring directly at a nothing more than a blank basement wall), but this location is so very much better, enjoyable even.

So, instead of the old view of:

wall
spider web(s)
roly-poly-bug carcasses

I now get to look at:

a TV!
a fan!
more than 2 feet of open space before a wall
brilliantly placed bamboo shade to hide the other basement disasters I haven't yet tackled
tray table to hold remotes for fan and TV, iPod, baby monitor, phone, a selection of hair bands, water, towel (all things I balanced precariously on my bike frame before)
an area that has no intended use other than working out (i.e. no distracting laundry piles!)

It may not be fancy, but I know I'm lucky to have such a luxury of space. I suppose that's the Midwestern trade-off – we have the crappiest winters, but affordable real estate and good basements.

Now, I just have to use it.

Shoeless J

2009-11-18T23:22:00.002-06:00

I know I'm grasping at straws here, but I'm willing to try anything to get rid of the IT band syndrome as long as...

it doesn't cost a cent.

Sure, I'd like to walk into the office of some specialist and say, "tell me how to fix it, bill me whatever it takes, and I'll pay my bill when it's really fixed," but there are two major hurdles to that: neither my bank account nor the American health care system want to cooperate with that idea.

So, back to my latest half-baked scheme: starting at the bottom. When I realized I hadn't done so much as change shoe models, I decided I should probably be thinking a little more about the role my feet play in this little fiasco. And what's the cheapest foot workout?

Go barefoot.

Sure, I could say I've been affected by all the barefoot running hype, the recent mainstream publicity about natural running footfall, the appearance of rubber gecko-ish shoes on the market, but honestly, it's not so cerebral or trendy for me. I'm going barefoot because shoes are expensive.

Now to be fair, I'm not running again yet, so I'm really just doing indoor workouts right now. And we do have those foam exercise floor squares in the basement, so I'm not exactly hopping around on a slab of concrete.

It took me a couple of workouts to decide, hey, this is not that weird. I've done workouts that include a barrage of squats, lunges, jumping jacks, running in place, core work, and now I feel ready to start some more high impact jumpy stuff. After all, the most injury-free time in my life was when I spent a few hours a day jumping around a room with nothing more than a thin leather sole under my feet...

OK, so that's a bit of a stretch to claim ballet was ever in the same room as the words biomechanically friendly. But, it was reassuring to recall the things I used to do without ultra cushiony foam shoes.

So, I'm going to try this little barefoot thing for awhile. A little unconventional perhaps, but the conventional wisdom is clearly not working for me.

obstacle shmobstacle

2009-11-16T14:10:00.000-06:00

I've got motivational sports maxims running through my head.

If it were easy, everyone would do it.
Brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough.
You can quit, and no one will care if you do. But you will always know.

Oh, but this isn't for an actual workout, mind you, but rather because I'm facing a bit of an obstacle to getting my bike trainer set up in the basement for winter. You see, it requires tackling this mess:

Yep, I want that spot for my bike.

Now, just to find a home for all of that stuff. I hate stuff. I am way too anal to sort through things in any sort of speedy way. I know I'll start out just moving things, then decide somewhere mid-project that I need to set up a color-coded, alphabetical, front and faced storage quadrant. But, I will get it done this week.

If it were easy, everyone would do it.
If it were easy, everyone would do it.
If it were easy, everyone would do it.

peek into my day

2009-11-13T14:43:00.000-06:00

I seem to be increasingly interested in the most banal details of other people's routines. Maybe it's my age, or a function of being a homemaker (though I hate, HATE that word), but what people eat, what their homes look like, and how they manage their time has become intriguing to me. So, I thought I'd keep track of my own somewhat typical day. Here's Wednesday, for example:

7:15 a.m.

wake up to the sound of Hank jabbering in crib and Lola calling "Mommy, I need to go potty"
bottle for H (I know they say babies don't self-wean before 1 year, but he was completely over breastfeeding for a good month before I threw in the towel and switched to bottles last week)
H's diaper change/wrestlemania match #1

7:30 a.m.

grab something to wear from stack of folded laundry left on coffee table last night
cook breakfast. A true luxury of being an at-home parent is getting to make a warm breakfast every day. Usually it's pretty simple – stovetop oats, a banana for each of us, black coffee for me, OJ for L – but it felt like we needed a mid-week treat today, so I made popovers dusted with powdered sugar, orange-cranberry sauce, coffee for me, egg nog for L, banana+flax for H

8:15 a.m.

eat breakfast
wipe faces and hands, leave dishes on table

9:00 a.m.

diaper change/wrestlemania match #2 for H, and he's down for his morning nap
help L get dressed in her choice of attire, always good for a giggle, today's choice was a shirt and tights, apparently ideal for practicing crane pose

comb L's hair, have her brush teeth with a dry brush because she's out of toothpaste
brush my teeth, put on deodorant, redo ponytail to look slightly less like I just got up

9:30 a.m.

help L get started on a relatively quiet activity, and persuade her to play a bit more independently than usual so that I can...
completely disregard all of the normal household tasks I would otherwise be doing throughout the morning (laundry, vacuum, dishes) in order to work more on the kitchen deuglyfication which I am so ready to finish at this point that I will now do it at the cost of all else except feeding and cleaning the kids themselves

10:30 a.m.

Lola is bored, needs potty assistance, and I've completed coat #2 of primer to cover super gross '70s backsplash tile

help L get out watercolors and paint with her for a few minutes

11:15 a.m.

finish coat #1 of paint on kitchen window trim and backsplash, tidy up paint supplies, put baby gates up in kitchen doorways as H starts to wake from nap

11:30 a.m.

Hank gets up
diaper change/wrestlemania match #3 (man, that kid hates to sit still)

L and H play in the living room while I turn a seemingly simple sandwich lunch into three distinct and age-appropriate preparations (as soon as they can eat/chew the same stuff, I swear I'm going to just pile food in the middle of the table)

12:00 p.m.

clear breakfast dishes (nice, huh)
eat lunch
wipe hands and faces

12:30 p.m.

grab shoes for everyone, load H in stroller, and go for a quick walk to play at park

1:15 p.m.

back home for nap time. H gets a bottle, diaper change #4, then I lay him down in crib to fall asleep. L gets a story in her bed, we talk about our day so far and our plans for afternoon, then she spends nap time playing quietly in her room, looking at books, or sometimes actually sleeping.

1:30 p.m.

my 1½ - 2 hours of "free" time. Usually workout time, but today I start a quick load of dishes, run downstairs to get H's diapers in the wash, and get back to painting that friggin' backsplash

4:00 p.m.

oops, lost track of time trying to finish painting in a clock-less room and apparently didn't hear the awake kids. S walks in from work and wonders why I'm letting H cry (I'm not a cry-it-out fan, so that's not the norm in our house). Feel like a worthless parent for leaving kiddos locked in their rooms when naps should have been over

4:30 p.m.

get paint stuff cleaned up and kitchen returned to workable order
move H's cloth diapers to dryer
ignore laundry heap some more

make a quick trail mix snack for L and me
H's diaper change #5

4:45 p.m.

play on living room floor with kiddos and chat with S while he unwinds (Facebook) and opts out of his workout

start rice for dinner (why does brown rice take SO long to cook?)

5:30 p.m.

S plays with kids while I work on dinner (teriyaki rice, broccoli, and random veggie "meatballs" because I forgot to buy tofu)

6:00 p.m.

trade kid patrol with S again so he can cook his chicken

6:15 p.m.

trade kid patrol yet again so I can get the various levels of chopped/mashed foods plated for each kid and set table while rice finishes
S paces around holding a hungry H, and L sits in her chair ready to eat (it feels like being circled by hungry hyenas some nights)
dinner is ready, finally

6:45 p.m.

dinner is done, L gets to pick a piece of Halloween candy for dessert
quick bath routine. The kids splash in the tub together, then brush teeth, I take H to get him ready for bed, and S takes L
repeat of nap routine: bottle for H, storytime for L, talking about our day, hugs & kisses, "love you, have a good night's sleep, see you in the morning," close doors behind us, and... quiet

7:10 p.m.

tidy up. Put away the toys strewn around living/dining room, clear dinner dishes from table and rinse/soak what can be cleaned quietly (have to tiptoe around a bit until the kids are sound asleep, so the dishwasher's usually unloaded/loaded later right before I go to bed)

7:15 p.m.

sit on couch just long enough to eat a mini Hershey bar and give S a hard time about skipping his workout

7:20 p.m.

head down to basement for an hour and fifteen minutes of working legs, back, and abs. First time using legs for much more than hobbling in the week since ITBS flared up again, so workout was not easy, but exciting to be able to complete it without knee pain

8:45 p.m.

flop on couch feeling unusually tired
continue ignoring laundry pile
watch last week's Office and Community episodes on the laptop with S

9:45 p.m.

tidy kitchen a little more, but skip loading dishwasher
shower and get ready for bed, where S has already fallen sound asleep

10:00 p.m.

read in bed to wind down (finished The Homework Myth, started Montessori in the Home)

10:40 p.m.

get bored, turn out light, spend maybe 30 minutes getting to sleep (lightning fast for me)

And, there's my day. Probably should have picked one that was a bit more typical (free of home projects), but hey, that's life.

thank you

2009-11-11T14:50:00.001-06:00

This daily blogging goal is tougher than I expected. I have come to the not-so-shocking realization that I may not do enough uniquely interesting things to write about on a daily basis. I may have a ton of thoughts buzzing around, but taking care of a couple of kids manages to absorb a big chunk of my time (funny how that happens) and some days I don't even venture out enough to speak to another adult until S gets home late afternoon. (Actually, now that I think of it, there was a day last week when I didn't speak a word to a single grown-up until he got home at 9:30pm – wow.)

Anyway, that's a roundabout way to say I appreciate that anyone comes here to read this. I started this blog as a personal journal and a ticket to feel more comfortable commenting on other blogs – a way to be less of a lurker and a more active participant in the online community I had recently discovered. I didn't really expect that anyone short of the occasional google searcher (a word to those who want to generate blog traffic: include the phrases "athletic maternity swimwear" and "IT band recovery time" in your posts) would find this space.

So, the fact that this too often neglected blog has shown me a handful of people who are inspiring in their amazing achievements, comforting in their commonality, friendly for no good reason... well, that's pretty great.

It sounds facetious, but really...
Thank you for visiting :)

IT band woes, chapter 1,909,342

2009-11-09T15:17:00.000-06:00

It won't be long before I'll be marking the one-year anniversary of this ITBS problem's start. Ick.

I've run pain-free for a good three months, so I'm stumped on why I re-injured it again the other day. If injuries come from either trauma, overuse, or weakness, I can't figure out where I fit in. I didn't fall or do anything acute. I'm certainly not in the overuse camp, as I've been holding steady at pretty low mileage, planning to start a half marathon plan next month. And what really has me confused is that I feel like my core strength and flexibility are the best they have ever been.

I did take an easy week while everyone else in the house dealt with a cold virus, so I knew to go easy on that return run and only planned for 3 miles. It was a hilly route, I suppose, but I used to eat hills up. Why is this problem plaguing me? I'm a patient warm-up-er, a devoted stretcher, a careful user of the foam roller. But still, even when I'm feeling good, there's a knot halfway down my femur that no amount of rolling will iron out. My glutes are especially tight after a run, more so on the problem side. This is clearly turning into a chronic thing, and I'm so over it.

I think it's time to toss my shoes out (and anyone reading this says, duh, moron). They're still plenty new and the same model I've worn for the past 4 years, but then again I'm convinced that pregnancy #1 changed my gait temporarily, and #2 changed something about my hips for good. I think I've refused to think such a simple thing as footwear could be the problem, but I certainly know how important the right shoe is. I'm just so cheap! It's hard to justify not using perfectly usable shoes... but I know, I know.

I'm skeptical that the fix is as easy as a shoe switch, but I'll be more than happy to admit I was a moron if it turns out all I needed was a $75 shoe purchase all along. Wishful thinking.

so-so perfectionist

2009-11-06T22:34:00.001-06:00

I've always considered myself a perfectionist, wearing that title like a crazy badge of honor.

I'm meticulous about inane cleaning tasks, never satisfied with my artwork, fully absorbed in anything I'm reading, and passionate (that's right, passionate) about finding grammar and spelling errors. A couple of years ago I would have listed this trait on my résumé, but now, not so much. I'm seeing the downside of being so black or white about things.

The most obvious example would be today's task: finishing the damn kitchen cabinets. Instead of feeling good that what once looked like this...

(What!? You say perfectionists don't photograph their kitchens with spinach all over the floor?)

is now more like this...

(lest I need to point out the DRASTIC and EARTH-SHATTERING change here,

that's not off-white anymore, it's off-grey)

I'm unable to enjoy any feeling of accomplishment because it's not perfect. I'm stressing that cabinets aren't lining up as well as before (what do you know, there's been a change in the way basic hinges have been manufactured in the last 55 years). I have a sinking feeling in my stomach, wishing I hadn't opened this can of worms, and frustrated that what needs to just be done is now going to occupy my thoughts and free time until I can get it just right.

The parallels to my triathlon goals are staring right at me.

I want badly to be able to experience life as a triathlete, but can't get over that feeling that I have to do it just right. I'm so afraid of doing something badly that I've been willing to not do it at all. What's doubly stupid is that I realize all this. I get how ridiculous it is, how limiting.

It's not that I think I need to win a race before I'll enter (ha!), it's that I need to do my best, and there's always a reason why I'm not ready to do that. I can't afford to swim, I have a nagging running injury, I'm terrified of being hit by a car on my bike. I'll get into triathlon when money's better, when my IT band is better, when my bike fear disappears. Then everything will be perfect, right?

Oh my god! ENOUGH ALREADY!

Perfectionism is clearly NOT working for me, and while I can't deny that it's part of my personality, perhaps there's room to just be a so-so perfectionist.

So, here's to doing things poorly sometimes. Maybe those cabinets will line up tomorrow, and maybe they won't. And if not, they'll still be there, holding pots & pans. Maybe things will align and I'll get to train the way I want, but when they don't, I'll still go after things I want to achieve. And I'll do them, for better or worse.

the bright side

2009-11-04T22:40:00.000-06:00

I should be sulking because the IT band knee has been on ice tonight (yep, that jackass flared up again), but I'm determined to keep in mind that it was a pretty good day.

I made a good chunk of progress on our "mini" kitchen remodel that started three years ago. Lola, Hank, and S are finally getting over a virus that made them miserable for a few days and then lingered over a week (but somehow skipped me, even after Hank sneezed directly in my mouth a couple times and Lola sneakily "shared" my water glass all week). Dinner was made by someone other than me. And even if it ended up hurting, at least I got out for my run.

If nothing else, I suppose the whole ITBS will give me something daily to gripe about all November long.

the no-sugar challenge

2009-11-03T22:27:00.000-06:00

So, clearly this is the wrong week to talk about my efforts to quit sugar. Especially today, when I may or may not have eaten my weight in little York Peppermint Patties from one of the 5 bags left after swine-flu-a-phobia kept the trick-or-treaters home last weekend.

But, before Halloween proved too tough a challenge to resist, I was plugging along nicely. So far, what has worked:

:: No drizzle of syrup or sprinkle of brown sugar on daily breakfast oats. Instead of slicing a whole banana as topping, I mash half of it and mix in with the oats to sweeten a little.

:: No cookies. This has been tough for me, but I've stopped baking weekly cookies. I've satisfied the baking itch with weekly bread instead, and made maybe a half batch of cookies (sweetened without cane sugar) every other week.

:: More fruit. I thought I was already buying a ton of fruit, but I've learned I have to buy a lot more to truly have enough for extra snacks. It's tough to fit it into the food budget, so I mix frozen fruit with seasonal sale fruit, eat a lot of a couple things for a week at a time, then move on.

:: Having naturally sweet and comforting snacks on hand. The worst time of day for me is my mid-morning snack, when I need something sort of sweet, but more substantial than fruit to pair with my 2nd cup of coffee. Nuts and dried fruit work, or maple banana muffins, or homemade peanut butter granola balls, but the trick is that they have to be ready to go.

what is not working:

:: Having our blender and our food processor both crap out on us last month, which means our daily smoothies are no more. That was such an easy way to get a really delicious and perfectly healthy sweet fix, it's been hard to substitute. Note to all: when a plastic spindle is supposed to spin a plastic cog to power a big blade that is supposed to blend things, those two plastic parts will inevitably meld together (which is really a long way of saying DON'T EVER BUY A CUISINART BLENDER).

:: Allowing sugar junk in the house at all. If it is here, we will eat it. Boy, will we eat it. Halloween candy, a pie brought by family, leftovers from a get-together: all have been problems this week. I've got to find a way to ration out the junk food so that we're somewhere between wasteful (by throwing it out) and gluttonous (eating it all at once to "be done with it").

:: Having this recently appear in my life:

And it's not just any ice cream flavor, it's sugar flavor.

SUGAR-FLAVORED ICE CREAM.

But see, I said I wouldn't let my no-sugar goals get in the way of trying new things or experiencing the true pleasures of food. How did I go 31 years without tasting something so delicious? And what will I do when the pint is gone?

a belated Happy Halloween

2009-11-02T10:54:00.000-06:00

My fretting/planning/type A mind is on to Thanksgiving, a certain someone's first birthday, then (crap) x-mas, but my photo card isn't past Halloween yet.

The little guy was squeezed into a hand-me-down, store-bought, completely random chicken costume. Sure, it's a little weird to dress a boy as a chicken, but so much more bizarre that he absolutely LOVED wearing that awful fluffy get-up.

Now, that handmade triceratops costume was quite the test of Mommy's fledgling sewing and knitting skills, but I was actually pleased with the result (that's part of it above, being worn with pajamas first thing in the AM). From the frill/horn hat to the tail, the four feet to the leaf-themed treat bag, every last bit of it was made from materials that were found around the house. I let on that I was a little put out with such a tough costume request – are you sure you don't want to be a cat? – but really, I eat this stuff up. I am a ~~little~~ lot crazy.

This sounds petty, but I have to admit that getting all wrapped up in creating Lola's ideal Halloween was rewarding for me. I've been feeling inadequate lately about my family contributions, so pulling off a costume project was a welcome challenge (distraction?). I make no secret of being thoroughly thrilled that she has lived in at least part of that costume from the minute I snipped the last thread. Sure, I may not be bringing in income or meeting the grocery budget, but at least I can make fun things.

And I'm not even going to try to make this relevant to triathlon training; I'll save that for tomorrow, or the next day, or one of the the 26 days after that. See, I'm going to participate in National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) to try to get back in the habit of using this spot more as a journal to note smaller bits of progress and ideas. I doubt I'll make daily posting a long-term thing, but I think trying it for a month will be good for my mind.